While falling in love is fun and exhilarating, it can really wreak havoc on the rest of your life. It's clear that when our hormones are going crazy at the beginning of a relationship, our brains are screaming at us to spend more time with our new love. Our brains need that next 'fix' and will do whatever it takes to get it. Psychologist Deborah Khoshaba, Psy.D. shared with Psychology Today that during this time, we can easily start to lose ourselves. Most of us lead pretty busy lives, so dropping everything for a new relationship can cause issues. "You are adding a dating relationship to your normal, busy routine," she said. "Your normal responsibilities at work and home may fall to the wayside, as you put more energy into solidifying your love relationship."
Dr. Khoshaba also explained that we feel a new sense of vulnerability at the beginning of a relationship, and that can feel scary. "Loving asks you to lower your defenses and loosen up your personal boundaries so that you can merge your needs and desires with those of your lover," she added. "This process can be threatening and make you feel unsafe." We often end up creating issues and drama during this time, because we are so uncomfortable with this new vulnerability. This can quickly spiral into us completely losing ourselves.
She recommends being aware of this risk and following a few simple rules. First, keep your normal schedule. Don't completely turn your world upside down just because you're in a new relationship. Also make sure to take excellent care of yourself during this time. Eat well, get enough sleep, and try to fit in some exercise. When anxious thoughts enter your mind, try to look at them objectively. The fact that he hasn't called in an hour could mean he's over you, or could simply mean he hasn't left the gym yet. Don't jump to crazy. Finally, make sure to always stay your awesome self. "Don't lower your defenses, personal boundaries, and expectations to the extent that you are denying what you really desire and need," urged Khoshaba. "This never works out well. You want to build an authentic relationship attachment, rather than one based on fantasy alone."