The untold truth of Kylie Jenner

If there's one member of the Kardashian-Jenner family who doesn't need an introduction, it's Kylie Jenner. Jenner's name continually dominates entertainment news. Questions about whether or not she's had plastic surgery to news of her highly successful makeup line selling out (yet again) never stop. However, in interview after interview, Jenner claims the person you see online is not the real Kylie, which begs the question: who is Kylie Jenner, exactly?

She's not comfortable flaunting her body

Just hearing this is almost laughable, right? Kylie Jenner, the girl who floods her Instagram with racy photo after racy photo, doesn't like flaunting her body… How could that be? Well, according to Jenner herself, she prefers being covered up in front of others. Take, for example, her cover for the October/November 2016 issue of Complex. Although she appeared topless, her interviewer noted that she made the men leave the room. "I'm comfortable with my body, but not that comfortable," Jenner told Complex about the modest move. "I'm not going to be walking around like that with a bunch of guys there."

She hates wearing makeup

Yep, you read that correctly: though she owns her own cosmetics company, Jenner doesn't like wearing makeup. Despite the heavily made-up version of Jenner we see online, the young business woman told Wonderland Magazine, "I feel like I didn't really appreciate that side of me; the very simple, no makeup Kylie." She revealed the only reason she wears makeup is because she thinks that's what her fans like seeing on social media. "I did feel a sense of Keeping Up With Myself — like, 'Ooh I need to come up with a new hair color or a new cool makeup trick,'" she said.

She got her first lip injections at 16

Jenner first started making waves on the internet around 2014 when she debuted a dramatically fuller pout. At first, she claimed her bigger lips were an optical illusion, attained by "overlining" her lips. "I love lip liner and over lining my lips," she told E! News in 2014. Eventually, though, Jenner admitted to having work done. "It's just an insecurity of mine," she revealed in an episode of Keeping Up With The Kardashians. So why didn't she tell the truth in the first place? "People are so quick to judge me on anything," Jenner said. "I might've tiptoed around the truth, but I didn't lie."

She didn't let the media storm get her down, though, and instead turned all the talk into cash. She used her famous lips to her advantage, and launched a makeup line that includes lipstick, lip gloss and now eyeshadow — and it consistently sells out.

She had her first kiss in fourth grade

Jenner's insecurity about the size of her lips didn't stop her from receiving her first kiss in only fourth grade. "We were in the front yard of my best friend Zoe's house, just me, Zoe, and Matt. He was one of the hot ones in fourth grade, and yeah, I definitely had a crush on him," she told Allure while reminiscing about the moment. "It was an innocent peck. Right on the lips. And it was funny and awkward."

We may not relate to Jenner on many levels, but if there's anything we've all had it's a "funny and awkward" first kiss.

She changes her look as a way to find out who she is

Take one look through Jenner's Instagram feed and you'll see she never sticks to one look for long. "I've just had this addiction to changing my hair. It makes me feel like a new person," she wrote on her website in 2015. But how does she go from a mint green bob one day to back-sweeping, jet black hair the next without going bald in the process? Wigs, of course. And if you ask her, she's the reason wigs are so popular these days. "I started wigs, and now everyone is wearing wigs," she told Marie Claire.

While it may seem like her ever changing tresses are a fashion statement, Jenner says she uses the change-ups as a way to learn more about herself as a person. "What I think set everything off is when I cut my hair off when I was 16 and dyed it blue. After that, I just felt so free and wanted to experiment with my look," she revealed to Interview Magazine. "I thought I knew who I was and what I wanted to look like, but then once I did that, I was like, 'Whoa, there's a world of difference.' I just felt like I could be whoever I wanted to be, and I'm all about, like, experimenting."

She went through a goth phase

Remember when you were 14, blasting Green Day in your room and lining your eyes with black eyeliner until you basically looked like a raccoon (or was that just me)? Turns out famous kids aren't immune to that awkward rebellious phase.

Jenner's sister Khloe Kardashian outed Jenner's goth phase, complete with "a blonde stripe and bangs that hid her eyes" to Complex. "We were like, 'What is going on? Kylie, you can't dress like this!'" Kardashian said. "But she just did not care." So don't feel bad — it looks like all the money in the world can't save you from doing such a thing.

She tries not to show her true self online

Between all the social media outlets Jenner is active on (which includes Instagram, Snapchat, and Twitter, just to name the basics), you'd think there's not much the starlet can hide. However, some things in her widely publicized life are still sacred, according to Jenner.

"Having a reality TV show, and an app and Snapchat, people think they know exactly who you are," she told TIME after being chosen as one of the magazine's most influential teens in 2015. But as Allure noted in their 2016 profile of Jenner, 'Kylie' the girl and 'Kylie the Brand' are two very different things. "People think they have a perfect idea of who you are from a four-second Snapchat video… and fake blogs, stories, magazine covers," she mused to TIME. "In reality, that's not the case. Nobody knows who I am except family and my close friends."

Her worst fear is reading bad things about herself online

One of the reasons Jenner refuses to show her whole self online is because it leaves "more room for people to say things about you," she said in an interview with Allure. We're all hurt by rude, unsolicited comments, and when you have a following that's in the millions the number of downright mean comments are often exponential. Unfortunately, Jenner is probably used to receiving such comments — but that doesn't make it any easier.

She told Interview Magazine that reading mean things about herself online is her biggest fear. "I wake up every morning with the worst anxiety," she revealed. "I wake up every morning at, like, seven or eight because I think that there's a bad story about me, and I have to check. My worst fear is waking up and finding something bad about me on the internet."

She has an anti-bullying Instagram campaign

Unfortunately, Jenner's status as a celebrity means she's no stranger to being bullied. However, her popularity also gives her a huge platform to fight back — and not just for herself, but for anyone who's been a victim of bullying. "I've been bullied my whole life," she said in an appearance on The Ellen Show in 2015. "I've kind of accepted it because I realize that just comes with the territory."

She used her experiences to create a social media campaign called #IAmMoreThan as a vehicle to support those who've also struggled with bullying. "I wanted to show my fans the people who inspire me, who have been through the darkness of bullying and not only overcome it but done something better with it," she explained to Elle Canada.

Lady Gaga is her role model

Jenner confessed to Interview Magazine that having such a huge following is "intimidating," not only because of the negativity she receives but also because of the pressure she feels as a role model to so many young women. But just because she is a role model doesn't mean she can't have a role model of her own — and she does! It turns out Jenner is a Little Monster, having received advice from Lady Gaga herself. "I think you're so amazing, and whatever you're doing, people are just obsessed with it," Gaga reportedly told Jenner, and encouraged her to stay true to herself. "there's a reason why I have so many followers and why people pay so much attention to me," Jenner said to Interview Magazine. "So I just try not to change and stay authentic."

She suffers from anxiety

All the money and fame in the world can't protect you from feeling anxious at time, and Jenner is proof. In fact, those factors may even exacerbate it. "I just feel like I've been dealing with anxiety for so long," she reportedly revealed to her sisters in a 2016 episode of Keeping Up With The Kardashians. She also wrote in an Instagram post, "People are so quick to say horrible things about me everyday over and over and sometimes I can't take it," claiming the hate sometimes causes her to breakdown and cry. "It's resulted in a lot of anxiety for me that I've never had to deal with before ever. My every move has been documented for the whole world and its been a nightmare trying to find myself through all of this. And I've absolutely lost apart of myself," Jenner wrote.

Sometimes she wishes she were "normal"

Keeping Up With The Kardashians started filming in 2007 when Jenner was only nine, which means she's spent more of her life in front of the camera than not. It's safe to say she's never had what we'd call a 'normal' life, a fact that sometimes gets her down. When Jenner's sister Kourtney asked what the two youngest Jenner sisters feel like they missed out on in a 2016 episode of Keeping Up With The Kardashians, the youngest Jenner replied, "I missed out on being normal! Being able to feel like I can, like, get out of the car and nobody's staring at me."

For those of us who've never been famous and are happy to hit 50 likes on Instagram compared to Jenner's one million (on a bad day!), it's easy to want to just shake her and tell her to appreciate what she has. But when you stop to think about it, her longing for normalcy makes sense. She really can't do anything without it ending up on the internet within mere minutes. "It's not that I don't want to do it… Yeah, actually I kind of just don't want to do it anymore. Honestly," she revealed in an interview with Wonderland Magazine. "I want to be a businesswoman and be behind- the-scenes. Kylie Jenner needs to retire."

She looks to her friends to keep her grounded

I wouldn't know from experience, but I assume it'd be easy to let so much fame and exposure get to your head. And there's some supporting evidence — how many times have we heard of celebrities who are demanding and difficult to work with? Jenner doesn't want to be like them, and says that she depends on her friends to make sure her head doesn't get too big. "I like spending time with my friends. It really brings me back to the real world," she told Interview Magazine. "I feel like if I didn't have these friends that I pretty much grew up with and have known from before I was as big as I am, I wouldn't be as grounded and as normal."

She wants to retire by 30

While Jenner's happy with everything her fame's allowed her to achieve, she revealed to Complex that being 'Kylie Jenner' the brand isn't something she wants to nurture her whole life. "It's become a job more than who I am," she explained. Her focus now is not on Kylie the celebrity, but rather the makeup brand. "If I could do whatever I wanted, I would have a successful makeup line," she told Interview Magazine. That's definitely something she can check off her to-do list! "I would want to hopefully start more businesses, and just be, like, a businesswoman," she continued. But she noted in her interview with Complex "that this life isn't for [her] forever." So what's next, then? "Hopefully, I'll go off the map," she said to Interview Magazine. "When I'm, like, 30, I want to go off the map, have a family, and live in Malibu with a farm, and just raise my own chickens."

She's proud of her father's transition

The Jenner patriarch shocked everyone when he announced his transition to Caitlyn Jenner. Everyone except for Kylie, that is. "When we were younger, me and Kendall would run into [our dad] fully dressed in women's clothes," she revealed in an interview with Allure. In fact, she says her dad's transition has only strengthened their relationship. "I just find that because everything is open and honest now, we actually spend a lot more time together," she told Elle Canada. "Now she's just free and way happier, and it makes me feel more comfortable." There is one caveat, though: Jenner still refers to Caitlyn as 'dad.' "I could call her mum," she mused to Wonderland Magazine. "I'm not against it, I'm just saying it's not correct."

She collected rubber ducks as a kid

We all collected weird things as kids. Me? I collected rocks (don't ask me why, because I have no idea). Jenner? She went for rubber ducks, naturally. "I loved rubber ducks — I still have them," she said to Wonderland Magazine. "Every kind of rubber duck you've ever seen in your life. Every birthday all I ever wanted was rubber ducks. It was so weird."

She co-authored a science fiction novel

File this under something you'd never imagine someone from Kardashian lineage would do. Jenner and her sister Kendall released Rebels: City of Indra: The Story of Lex and Livia with a ghostwriter in 2014. On working with the Jenners, their ghostwriter Maya Sloan wrote for Cosmopolitan that though the girls didn't do any of the writing themselves, "they were very much a part of it."

Unfortunately, the book didn't receive great reviews — it only has two stars on Amazon. One reader called the dialogue "mind-numbingly boring" in an article for The Frisky, and suggested you "don't waste your hard-earned cash money on their uninteresting books."

She got pregnant at 20

In September 2017, TMZ broke the news that Jenner and her boyfriend, rapper Travis Scott, are expecting. TMZ reported that Jenner and Scott began telling friends their news earlier in the month at a music festival where Scott was performing, with some sources even going so far as revealing that the couple is having a girl (though TMZ could not verify that part).

Though Jenner herself hasn't spoken out about it, both of her parents have commented on the situation. Her notorious momager Kris told The Cut, "she's not confirmed anything. I think it's kind of wild that everyone is just assuming that that's just happening." While that's definitely not a confirmation, it sure doesn't seem like a denial! On the flip side, Jenner's father, Caitlin, seems to have actually confirmed the pregnancy. The former Olympian's rep told The Sun that she has known about her daughter's pregnancy for a while, saying, "All I can tell you is that it was some time ago."