Tips On How To Be A Better Ally This Pride Month

As another Pride Month arrives, you may be wondering what you can do to become an LGBTQ+ ally or be a better, more supportive ally. Being an ally is a choice to rid yourself of bias and take a stand to call out bias and discrimination when you see it (via World Economic Forum). The world's attitudes toward the LGBTQ+ community are changing, but not fast enough. LGBTQ+ youth are still more likely to be bullied on school grounds and through cyberbullying (via StopBullying.gov), and LGBTQ+ adults are four times more likely to be victims of violence when compared to non-LGBTQ+ people, UCLA's School of Law has reported. 

Allyship continues to be vitally important for the safety and well-being of the LGBTQ+ community, but being an ally may look different in each situation. As an ally, you'll have to gain a deep understanding of what is needed of you from your friends, family, and the LGBTQ+ community at large. Here are a few helpful tips for how to be a better ally during Pride month and beyond (via GLSEN).

Being straight and cisgender (or when your gender aligns with the sex you were assigned at birth, according to Planned Parenthood) is a position of privilege. If you can go to a job, get married, and have children without fear of facing discrimination, you have privilege. It may be hard for someone who hasn't faced discrimination to understand what it can be like and how it can impact every aspect of their lives.

The University of California, Merced has shared some additional examples of heterosexual privilege for allies to study and understand. Thinking of your own life, have you ever had someone wonder about the cause of your sexuality? Has anyone ever asked you why you are straight or choose to be so open about it? How difficult was it for you to find a place to worship? These are questions sometimes posed to those in the LGBTQ+ community, and they can begin to shed light on some of the discriminatory encounters that people with heterosexual privilege do not have to face.

One of the best ways to show your support as an ally is to take action. Taking action means something different for each ally, and how you take action as an ally can change over time as you learn and grow.

One early distinction is that there is a big difference between supportive action and objectification of the community. Taking action isn't about wearing a rainbow shirt or engaging with similar marketing ploys. If you're new to being an ally, a good starting point is practicing fundamental advocacy. Correct people if you hear someone misgender a person, stand up to slurs or insensitive language, and promote diversity in your groups, including in the workplace (via Oprah Daily).

When you are ready to take further steps, perhaps consider joining a group that supports the LGBTQ+ community or attending a rally to speak out against harmful policies or legislation that endangers the LGBTQ+ community. GLAAD, The Trevor Project, The Center for Black Equity, Trans Lifeline, The Marsha P. Johnson Institute, and PFLAG are all organizations that accept donations and may be able to coordinate volunteers (via USA Today).

If your LGBTQ+ loved one reveals that they have faced discrimination or been harmed, believe them — and never try to minimize what they say. People can mistakenly make hurtful comments that are well-intentioned but sometimes fall short and show an unintentional underlying bias. For example, a friend or family member may mean well when they make a comment like, "I don't even think of you as gay," but there's a lot to unpack in that sentiment.

It shows that the person who said it thinks that gay is "other" or that there should be a certain aesthetic or personality that goes with being queer. The LGBTQ+ community is as diverse as humanity itself, and there is no single type of identity within the community. The comment can also invalidate a person's sexual identity.

Asking someone to minimize their appearance or behavior to be "less gay" is also wholly unacceptable. Queer people are often asked from a young age to hide their identity to make other people more comfortable. A 2009 study from the National Women's Studies Association Journal showed that academic faculty felt pressure to "cover" their sexuality in the work environment. According to the ACLU, this teaches shame and fear. As an ally, you can work to break this cycle in your family or workplace.

When you are presented with pronouns, honor them. It may take some work to get it right, but it's necessary to correct yourself and everyone else every time to make the change. Practice talking aloud about the person using their new pronouns with a friend or loved one. If you are having a hard time switching to "they" because of your hardened grammar rules from primary school, try listening to podcasts that use nonbinary language so you can get used to hearing "they/them/their" used with ease (via Ask a Manager).

If you have a friend or loved one who has chosen a new name, respect the name change and don't use deadnames. Using the right names and pronouns creates a safe environment for a trans or nonbinary person. As an ally, be empowered to set the right example every time and support how a trans person is perceived in the community (via the University of California, Davis).

In their "Safe Space Kit: Guide to Being an Ally to LGBT Students," GSLEN has addressed biases — and especially subtle biases — which exist all around us. Allies are encouraged to examine and understand their beliefs and ask difficult questions. For example, have you ever attended an LGBTQ+ support event? Why or why not? How would you react if your child came out as LGBTQ+? Have you ever laughed at or told a joke that targeted the LGBTQ+ community? Do you know any LGBTQ+ history?

Identifying implicit bias is the first step in working to change your mindset. The good news is that everyone is empowered to change their minds. For a deeper look at managing your biases, follow the American Academy of Family Physicians' eight tactics to identify and reduce implicit biases. You just might take time to become more introspective and mindful and see the world from the perspective of others.

Maybe you've heard of the call to amplify minority voices, but you're wondering what amplifying means in practice as an ally. Harvard Business Review reported study findings suggesting amplification may improve workplace equity and inclusion for underrepresented groups. When people endorse each other's voices and perspectives and give credit where it's due, everyone involved may benefit from a status boost. 

Amplifying others is also about making space and opportunity to hear from potentially underrepresented people. Dr. Llane Davey for Psychology Today has suggested setting firm boundaries for allowing everyone to speak and providing equal value to the comments in any group environment. 

For educators, GLAAD has suggested including personal contributions from within the LGBTQ+ community in their curricula whenever possible. In your personal life, perhaps share meaningful posts from your LGBTQ+ loved ones on your social media and highlight pro-LGBTQ+ events. Even small steps to ensure minority voices and perspectives are honored in the same space as the majority are helpful.

Let your friends, family, and coworkers know that you are an ally by announcing yourself as one. Openly display your pride for being an ally with the hope that you can invite discussion with others and grow your group. Join other groups, such as the Gay-Straight Alliance. The idea is to increase awareness and gather the support of other allies (via Youth Engaged 4 Change).

Openly being an ally also means living the life of an ally year-round. People who see you as an ally will likely expect you to make space for LGBTQ+ voices and stand up against discriminatory behavior even after Pride Month. Equally Wed has even suggested stopping following and supporting politicians, businesses, and policies that are anti-LGBTQ+. 

Openly celebrate the successes and milestones of your LGBTQ}+ family and friends. Host and attend social events for your loved ones, such as engagement parties, weddings, and baby showers for LGBTQ+ couples. You'll meet other allies along the way as you celebrate together.