Is It Possible To Make Someone Fall In Love With You?
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If there's one thing romantic movies have left with us, it's the yearning to have someone look at us with the kind of longing that Ryan Gosling's character Noah has for Allie (Rachel McAdams) in "The Notebook." Or how Elio (Timothée Chalamet) gravitates toward his father's assistant and houseguest Oliver (Armie Hammer) in "Call Me by Your Name." There's undying devotion that stands the test of time.
Falling in love is a memorable experience, with some even believing that love comes as easily as first sight. Psychologist Zick Rubin thinks that romantic love is composed of attachment, caring, and intimacy (via VeryWellMind). Other researchers and theorists have attributed love to be a social construct.
Regardless of what you believe the definition of love is, there's no denying its prevalence in the world around you. Movies aside, it won't take much for you to pick out some lovesick couples from among your own social circle. Is it possible, however, for you to make that person you've been crushing on since the end of last year fall head over heels in love with you? Is there a formula for it all?
The answer might not be as black and white as you think
Clinical psychologist Bobbi Wegner tells Mind Body Green that the presence of attraction, lust, and attachment can make people fall in love. "Attraction is what it sounds like: a curiosity, interest, or a liking for someone," she offers; while lust has to do with sexual longing, and attachment forms when two people develop an emotional connection. Your Tango adds that falling in love is also about timing, science, and both people having similar values.
Though these elements play a part in making that special person fall in love with you, it's important to not fixate on these things. Licensed therapist Ken Page explains to Mind Body Green the reason why you should not put yourself in a possibly unhealthy space. "The degree to which you hyper-focus on whether someone likes you is the degree to which you will self-abandon," he adds. If the person is making you feel like they're unavailable, this might be something worth delving into. Furthermore, such an obsession can become addictive.
There is also a difference between love and limerence. If the feelings that accompany what you perceive to be love are obsessive, invasive, and all-consuming, this may very well be limerence, per Brides. Psychosexual therapist Cate Mackenzie explained that limerence can arise because of childhood development issues or even lack of sleep and tiredness. So, what can you do to actually make someone fall in love with you?
Here are some ways in which you can help someone fall for you
There is a combination of behaviors that experts recommend could help tip the scale in your favor in your quest for love (via Today). Author and human behavior expert David Lieberman refers to the "law of scarcity." Although repeated positive interactions with someone you like are a good thing, there is also a certain benefit to being less available from time to time, Lieberman explains.
Maintaining eye contact with the person, showing them your vulnerable side, expressing an interest in supporting their dreams, and even choosing to wear red on a date are all some suggestions to potentially give yourself a chance at love, according to Bolde. Communication expert Leil Lowndes adds that intense focus on the other person while they're talking and a little afterward — referred to as "toffee eyes" — can also help (per Today).
On the topic of being focused, a good listener is someone who can give themselves a chance at love finding them too, as psychotherapist and author M. Gary Neuman expressed to Cosmopolitan. Take a special interest in your date's stories, ask questions, and respond with care. Smiling often and touching the person could also work in your favor; the two behaviors will make you look more confident and also build intimacy. Long-lasting love might require a few more secrets but the tips mentioned here could get you off to a solid start.