Getting Ghosted? Here's A (Non-Scary) Script For How To Call Them Out Over Text
Ghosting is something that happens all too often in the dating world. Either you've been there yourself, or you've been the shoulder to cry on for a friend who's been ghosted. The frequency at which ghosting happens doesn't in any way dull the pain of the experience. You can move from denial, confusion, anger, guilt, and sadness if someone you were getting to know romantically decides to cut off all contact with you without any explanation. Has your date backed out of all the plans you've made to hang out? Are they not responding to your messages? Are they not interested in calling or keeping in touch? These could all be warning signs that someone's ghosting you.
According to therapist Darcy Sterling from New York, "When someone gets ghosted, they can feel like they were disposable or even just a placeholder. Since there is no conversation happening with the other person, they are stuck wondering and assuming why they would ghost you" (via Insider). Whether you just met the person on Tinder or the two of you have been chatting and hanging out for months, being ghosted hurts.
While some people might choose to move on and forget about it all, there might be some of you who want to call out the ghoster. YouTuber Shallon Lester thinks calling out someone who ghosts you can simply be about standing up for yourself. But if it's via text, you'd want a script that's dignified and not scary.
Say this to someone who's ghosted you
Dating coach Ali (@findingmrheight), in a TikTok post, shared that calling out someone who ghosted you "helps to denormalize the behavior" and also teaches you a thing or two about boundaries. It is important, however, to sit with yourself and reflect on the intention behind why you want to text them in the first place. If you're just trying to vent or you're texting them in the hopes of getting a reply, you may want to rethink it all.
Ali recommends, in her TikTok video, sending a text that calls them out on their poor communication skills. Sexologist and podcaster from Toronto Dr. Jess O'Reilly told Elite Daily that ghosting is evidence of the "bad manners" of the ghoster. It could also be "their inability to express a desire or feeling that they believe will disappoint you," she added.
It goes without saying that you want to maintain a level of grace and dignity as you think of the script for your message. Keep the text short and simple and directed at their behavior toward you. Going into details about your emotions surrounding it all might only make you feel worse afterward. An example of a text could be, "Hey, I thought we had a good connection but I guess I was wrong. It would've been nice if you'd found a way to communicate how you felt without ghosting me. Take care."
What not to do if you're getting ghosted
Believe it or not, there is a right way to handle being ghosted and a wrong way too. Therapist Darcy Sterling from New York told Insider that you shouldn't allow yourself to get to a place of guilt, wondering if you were ghosted because of something you said or did. More often than not, ghosting says more about the person doing it than the one at the receiving end of it. While you may think you need closure or a response from them at least in order to move on, Sterling thinks this is not the case. "You do not need an apology to heal," she explained. What you might need is the loving support of friends and family.
Behavioral scientist Michelle Drouin advised against stalking the person's social media accounts (via TED Ideas). Obsessing over them is only going to take away from your valuable time.
So once you've carefully typed out the script and you've pressed send, what next? Sexologist and podcaster Dr. Jess O'Reilly told Elite Daily to "consider deleting their number and existing chats so that you're not tempted to go back and over-analyze." You're better off without having someone like that in your life anyway.