Having Doubts About Your Relationship? Here's What You Should Do

Who doesn't want a relationship that can last a lifetime? Entering into a new relationship can be daunting, especially if it has been a minute since you've last hit the dating scene. (What's with all these dating apps? Does anyone meet in real life anymore?) All the examples we see of perfect relationships and meet-cutes in media — like "When Harry Met Sally," "Pretty Woman," and more modern movies such as 2022's "Bros" — have made the standard for new relationships nearly impossible to obtain.


Once you find someone, you may begin wondering if your relationship is as good as the romances we see around us. Some of us may even go searching for red flags — the biggest dealbreakers in a relationship — just to make sure we don't get our hopes up too soon. But what you see as substandard dating practices may in fact be healthy relationship habits that most people wrongly think are toxic.

If you find that your new relationship has a side-effect of never-ending doubts, you're probably quite concerned about whether your love will last. Figuring out if a relationship is worth pursuing or if a partner could be your person can be intimidating, but concerns are not inherently bad signs.

Doubts in a relationship are totally normal

Questioning whether you have made the right choice in a partner can be terrifying, especially if this is someone you care quite a lot about. But doubts are not a sign that your relationship is in trouble. In fact, experts say having worries or insecurities about a new relationship is indeed normal. Like all big life choices, picking a partner requires time and critical thought. In choosing to be with someone, "you are closing the door not only on your singleness but also on the possibility of other relationships," said licensed clinical psychologist Alexandra Solomon, Ph.D. (via Bustle). "It's okay to grieve the loss of your single identity and to feel somewhat anxious about the size of the commitment you're making," she said.


Feeling insecure in your relationship or having apprehension is not a problem specific to you. Relationship expert Barbie Adler, founder of matchmaking firm Selective Search, said that doubts in a relationship are completely typical. Even if you have been with your partner for a while, feeling uncertainty is not out of the ordinary. "Doubt in relationships, particularly after being with your partner for a long period of time, is a common feeling we all may undergo at some point," Adler said, per Thrillist. "It's normal to have fear or uncertainty about the person you are with." If you're having misgivings about a relationship — new or long-lasting — you are not alone.

How to get over doubts in a relationship

But even if doubts are normal, you may be wondering how to get over these annoying and unsettling speed bumps in a relationship. Luckily, these insecurities won't stay around forever, and certain practices and habits can keep these disconcerting thoughts at bay. The first step you should take if you are experiencing doubts in your relationship is to look inward. According to Well + Good, those who have a disposition towards being anxious may feel more uncertainty in a relationship. "This would be typical of someone with an insecure attachment style," said relationship therapist Genesis Games.


Once you deal with your own self-confidence issues, you can begin healthy communication about these concerns with your partner, per Health Shots. "Talk to your partner about your feelings," said psychiatrist Sonal Anand. But don't let the conversation become too negative. "Make sure to express your doubts in a non-judgmental manner and be careful of an aggressive tone," Anand said. "Talk about the reasons that make you suspicious rather than an outright confrontation."

Doubts in a relationship are perfectly normal — we all experience them at one point or another. Overcoming these misgivings can seem impossible in the moment, but recognizing your own insecurities and being honest with your partner will make your relationship stronger than it was before.