How Opening Up Your Relationship To Too Many Opinions Could Put It At Risk
When you enter the world of dating for the first time, everything can feel new and uncertain. As humans, it's only logical to try to reduce this uncertainty by talking about dating and relationship norms with other people. Discussing how a potential partner talks, texts, or even acts on a first date can feel comforting. Analyzing potential matches with your friends is normal, especially when looking for others to affirm your choices. However, constantly seeking validation from other people when it comes to your love life is a recipe for disaster.
While there is a time and a place for friends to call out relationship red flags that they may see, putting your dating life on the table for discussion often opens up the floodgates and allows varying opinions to cloud your mind.
It's natural to want your friends to like the person you are dating and it's common to check in about dating rules that you may be unaware of. However, just because your friends have certain experiences in the dating department doesn't mean they will always give the best advice.
Make your relationship your own
Ultimately, it's about knowing what you want from a relationship, not what those around you want. While many believe that friends or family members have the right to share their two cents, it should be seen as input, not advice, The Arizona Relationship Institute notes. Think about why you are asking other people about your relationship in the first place. It's likely because you value their perspective in general.
However, it takes strength to receive input from various people and balance that with your own thoughts and intuition. After all, learning how to make knowledgeable decisions about who you date should be based on your own opinions of that person.
Trusting yourself is essential when it comes to a healthy relationship. If you're constantly second-guessing every decision you make or asking those around you what they would do, you're likely overanalyzing the situation and robbing your date of the opportunity to get to know the real you. It's not authentic communication if your friends are crafting text responses for you or if all your actions on a date were pre-calculated beforehand with other people. Oftentimes, these calculations can stem from a place of insecurity, but if your goal is to find someone who wants a genuine relationship, you'll have to show them the real you.
Vulnerability is necessary
It is scary whenever you put yourself out there to be fully seen. Keeping your walls up can provide a sense of emotional protection when other people inevitably don't like you. However, if you get rejected after pouring your heart out, it's hard not to take it personally. Unfortunately, that's the risk you have to take when searching for a real relationship.
Letting your guard down can feel like the last thing you want to do. Avoiding vulnerability is a defense mechanism that many people don't recognize they have. If a failed relationship was filled with actions and choices influenced by other people, it can make that rejection feel less personal. However, working on your self-esteem and understanding your intrinsic value will help you cope with relationships that didn't work out.
Instead of playing games or overcomplicating a relationship by involving those who aren't in it themselves, learn to trust your gut. Ask the questions you want the answers to and tell the stories that you want to share, without stressing if others may think it's too much too soon. In many ways, worrying too much can affect your health. Plus, at the end of the day, being your authentic self will help your relationship grow stronger.