Friendship Coaches: What Are They And Why You Should Consider Hiring One
Many people will reach a pivotal point in their life when they realize that they have no friends. It may be something you experienced when you graduated from your university and lost your college friend group, or it can come about because of a significant life change. Some people feel this pain once engaged when they can't think of anyone to have in their wedding party.
Regardless of whether you're sad about dealing with a friendship that is drifting apart or you chose to create distance to invest in yourself or your career, the absence of a social circle can hit you like a ton of bricks, and it's much harder to make friends when it feels like you don't have any to start with.
This is where a friendship coach comes into play. According to PubMed, social circles begin to decrease significantly after the age of 25. Much of this has to do with exiting the organized school structure. Without that built-in social scene, many are left wondering what else to do to make friends. Luckily, hiring a friendship coach can help. Whether you feel socially awkward, introverted, or simply struggle to put yourself out there, having someone in your corner can make a huge difference.
How a friendship coach can help you
Friendship coaches are ideal for those who want to have friends but simply don't know how to make them. While friendship "coasting" is a major red flag you might not be looking out for, perhaps you've been coasting too, and now it's catching up to you. Once you realize that all relationships take work, you'll be eager for guidance. Maybe you've already downloaded friendship app Bumble BFF but find the process a little too weird.
Instead, hiring a coach that specializes in friendships can help you better understand yourself and why making friends feels so hard. This self-awareness can then be utilized by your friendship coach to cultivate unique steps or guidelines for social situations. Having a coach to talk with is similar to having a therapist but it builds in a level of accountability to the entire process, which is useful if you struggle with following through on your social ventures.
Insider depicts one person's journey with a friendship coach and notes that preparation was the key to their success. The coach provided various recommendations and guidelines when it came to approaching social settings. The first piece of advice was to avoid flying solo when possible. Having somebody to approach new social situations with can do wonders to ease anxiety or uncertainty. Another tip was to remove some of that personal pressure by having go-to questions in the back of your mind to ask those you meet. Giving other people the floor to speak can be useful as you're settling in.
Think positive thoughts
Intrusive thoughts have also been addressed by friendship coaches because it can be easy to come home from a social gathering and start recounting all the things you said that feel cringy now. Whether you feel like you overshared or wish you had a better response to something, letting your mind spiral is what perpetuates social anxiety and self-doubt.
Within the field of interpersonal communication, there is something referred to as "uncertainty reduction theory." It basically says that human beings try to reduce their uncertainty about situations as much as they can. If you never know what to say or how to talk about yourself around others, rehearsing responses to common questions is recommended. While this may seem overly scripted in theory, easing your social anxiety by preparing a few talking points will actually make your real-life interactions flow smoothly.
Hiring a friendship coach can feel vulnerable because admitting you're lonely isn't easy. However, owning the position you're in through the help of a coach can actually make you more confident. Regardless of whether you're an introvert or an extrovert, creating lasting friendships will take work. Depending on your needs, a friendship coach can find the best route for you. It may be reaching out to an acquaintance, chatting with strangers amidst your daily activities, or even investing in a hobby where you'll see the same people each week. Cultivating new friendships is exciting but it may also take time, energy, and a little bit of intentionality.