Think Your Partner Is Lying To You? The Answer Could Be In The Details
When you're in a committed relationship, honesty and trust are two of the most important virtues both you and your partner should share. A relationship without these virtues is one that is more vulnerable to deception, disrespect, and conflict. It's important to feel comfortable around your partner, but it can be near impossible if your significant other has a tendency to twist the truth or if you have a sense that something is off.
A 2010 study published in Human Communication Research surveyed 1,000 adults in the U.S. to gauge how often people lie. In a 24-hour period, most of the adults who participated reported not telling any lies, and nearly half of the lies recorded made up just 5% of the participants. Although many people prefer to choose the honest route, there are some who rely on lying to get by. If you're looking for signs that your relationship can last a lifetime, you'll want to make sure your partner is being honest.
Vagueness could be a sign of lying
Knowing the signs of a liar and being able to detect a lie are both useful skills to have, especially if you suspect your partner is lying to you. If your partner isn't being forthcoming about something, they will often tell a vague story and avoid going into too much detail at all costs. "People who tell the truth can give a rich description because they actually experienced the event, whereas although liars can come up with details, this increases their risk of being caught," Bruno Verschuere, associate professor of forensic psychology, tells Phys.org.
When you suspect your partner is lying, pay attention to the details they tell in their story. If they include any details, do your best to remember those details for when they retell the story to see if their version stays consistent. "They don't want to give up too much information and believe that if they leave it out, it isn't actually considered a lie — which is not a loophole I might add," Patricia Vercillo, a private investigator, told Insider.
How to confront your partner if they've lied to you
Confronting a partner who isn't telling the truth can be nerve-racking. When you talk to your partner, stay calm and composed, even if they become defensive or angry. A bad reaction from your partner could be a sign that your partner is gaslighting you. Susan Winter, a relationship expert and love coach, told via Elite Daily it's best to "let them speak without your reactivity [and] refrain from commentary until they're fully expressed themselves." This will help you have a productive conversation without lashing out and letting it turn into an argument.
Express your boundaries to your partner, and let them know that you won't tolerate any lies in the future. By being honest about your expectations, your partner has a choice to respect them and your relationship. Be honest, open, and accepting with your partner to help ensure that they feel comfortable and safe being honest with you in the future.