The Key To A Successful Relationship May Lie In One Simple Piece Of Advice
While you may have experienced many romantic relationships that were complicated or filled with ups and downs, the goal isn't to live in mental or emotional chaos. People may assume that not fighting within a relationship means that there is no excitement, but that couldn't be further from the truth. True love that is deep and genuine can be extremely passionate, largely because both partners feel safe communicating their needs and desires in a calm, healthy way.
This may leave some wondering what the trick is when it comes to avoiding toxic relationships and finding a rare, beautiful partnership. Luckily, it's less complex than you may think. Of course, having firm boundaries and recognizing what your non-negotiables are early on helps to establish compatibility, but that only goes so far.
Beyond the basic morals, values, and ultimate life goals aligning, there come the less obvious nuances of each individual. There are a lot of small things that can really impact your day-to-day life with a partner: whether it's cleanliness habits, their love language, or even communication styles. It may seem complicated, but it all comes down to one simple action: kindness.
Make kindness important early on in your relationship
When you first start dating someone new and are caught up in the honeymoon stage of the relationship, it can be easy to speak kindly, choose your words more carefully, or avoid saying certain things that you know would hurt the other person. There are many stories of kindness that will make you cry just thinking about them. However, as time goes on and life with your partner begins to feel normal, insulting them or trying to cut them down with your words can feel justified in the midst of a fight.
According to PsychAlive, couples that push back on the idea of being kind to their partners have usually built up animosity within their relationship already. Once a consistent pattern of disrespect has started, it can be difficult for one partner to choose kindness because they feel like the other person doesn't deserve it. Of course, this only perpetuates a negative cycle and won't lead to a successful relationship.
Instead, try to look inward and analyze why you may be distancing yourself from that relational intimacy. Healthy relationships are typically rooted in kindness, which is shown through love, affection, and overall care for the other person. If you find yourself pulling away from your partner or using insults as a defense mechanism, it could be due to the fact that kindness feels too vulnerable. Similarly, you may grow to resent your partner because they've become an established person in your life that you're no longer choosing to love but feel "stuck with."
Heal the relationship you have with yourself
The truth is, your most toxic relationship could be the one you have with yourself, but there are ways to heal. The overall view you have of yourself will have a major impact on your mindset when entering into a relationship. This is why being kind to yourself is the first step in showing kindness to your partner. Psychologist and neuroscientist Ethan Kross explained to The Guardian that continuously engaging in negative self-talk or listening to that critical voice in your head is actually harmful to your relationships. This is because you might actually convince yourself that your partner doesn't love you or that it's better to be alone than risk getting hurt.
Therefore, examining those negative thoughts inside your head is essential when it comes to building a successful relationship. Instead of dwelling on the anxieties that your thoughts bring up, focus on creating a safe environment to communicate your needs to your partner, while also listening to their needs.
Ultimately, the next time your inner voice tries to self-sabotage, you can remind yourself what the reality of the situation is. Plus, it will be much easier to move toward mutual goals if you and your partner both agree to have love, respect, and kindness at the heart of your relationship.