Thinking You Always Know What Your Partner Wants Might Be A Red Flag
The dating stage of a romantic partnership is often filled with a range of emotions. There's uncertainty, excitement, and a rush of new feelings. While some might want to stay in this phase always, for others, the goal is find someone to settle down with.
One of the joys of moving to something more substantial is the security that comes along with it. You're not looking for someone anymore. You've found your significant other and you're comfortable with one another. Maybe you even finish each other's sentences in social situations and have a daily routine that you follow with ease. Long-term commitments have a sense of peace that is truly satisfying.
Have you ever wondered, however, that there's a downside to getting too comfortable in a relationship? In fact, most couples in long-term commitments probably go through phases when familiarity and complacency take over novelty and surprise. Maybe you've stopped doing romantic things together or your sex life has become mundane. Perhaps there's a general lack of boundaries or even bad manners in the relationship. It's one thing to order a plate of fries for your loved one because you know they enjoy eating them, but it's another when you assume you always know what they're thinking. The latter can actually be one relationship red flag you should never ignore.
Thinking you know everything there is to know about your partner can cause a disconnect
Part of the joy of being with someone for a long time is that they know things about you that others probably don't. But this doesn't mean that they know everything, all the time, and vice versa. When was the last time you got a handle on your own emotions? Can you really say you know yourself fully at any given time? What about a time when your partner's behavior surprised you?
We're constantly evolving as humans. In fact, this is what makes us interesting. As professor of psychology at Cornell University, Dr. Bob Sternberg puts it in The Love Multiverse, "We can't ever completely know someone ... we know only surface approximations." Your perception of your partner is not the most accurate one and this is because they're constantly growing and changing. They may have thought going to a Broadway show was not their thing five years ago, but now they feel differently. Just like your own likes and dislikes change over the years, theirs do too. A downside to being so comfortable with your partner that you spend hours on your phones sitting quietly next to one another is that you forget this important fact.
Thinking you always know what your partner wants is a red flag that can only cause disconnection in your relationship, according to divorce attorney and author Nicole Sodoma (via PureWow). How, then, do we stop doing this?
Check in with your partner often
It's challenging to look at your relationship with fresh eyes, especially during those times when your partner keeps pushing your buttons. But it's still important to train yourself to do so. Part of the way to break out of being too comfortable in your union is to say thank you more often, prioritize date nights, and have open communication, Sodoma told PureWow. And when it comes to assuming you always know what they want, stop doing that and ask them instead. "The next time you catch yourself assuming how your partner might feel about something, try asking them. Grow together, not apart," she explained.
Regularly checking in with your significant other about their likes and dislikes is a lovely way to make them feel valued too. It's also an opportunity for you to learn new things about them which always adds excitement to a long-term relationship.
Relationship red flags are hard to spot when life, work schedules, and commitments get in the way. You and your partner could be going about your lives thinking all is well until something small like not taking your partner's wishes into account can blow up in your face. Taking the time to be observant of your significant other can go a long way at times like these.