The Reason The No Contact Rule Is So Effective
The no contact rule, put simply, is a method of cutting off all communication with an ex for a period of time so you can allow space for each other to heal, recover from the breakup, and maybe even come back together. It's a rule espoused by some of the most successful relationship coaches around for a reason — because it works.
There are several major advantages to utilizing this rule, from allowing both parties to reset and readjust to their new lives without each other to establishing boundaries for any friendship that may arise in the future. As Chris Seiter, a professional relationship coach specializing in helping people navigate through their break-ups, with a decade in the business, laid out in a post on his website, there are actually 10 great benefits to the "No Contact Rule."
The no contact rule breaks the addiction of a relationship
First and foremost, however, as Seiter explains on Ex Boyfriend Recovery, it's the best way to counteract the dearth of happy chemicals after a breakup. Readjusting to the lack of oxytocin released while in a relationship is incredibly difficult, but cutting off your ex can help to ease the pain somewhat since you're not getting that familiar rush every time you see or hear from him. It's worth noting that stalking an ex online has the same chemical-releasing effect, too, so the rule will also put the kibosh on that.
Seiter makes a distinction between simply using the rule to make an ex miss you and instead incorporates some much-needed self-love into the equation, so even if it doesn't work out, you can move on in better shape than before. Seiter establishes the three components of the process as reactance, which trains you not to want something just because it's taken away, self-improvement, and the aforementioned breaking of addiction.
Time and freedom are major benefits of the no contact rule
A post on Ex Back Expertise notes that the two biggest advantages of the No Contact Rule are time and freedom, both of which offer an opportunity to focus on yourself, your goals, and what you really want out of life going forward. It's suggested a month is a good litmus test for whether the rule will work for you.
It's worth noting that intuitive coach and mentor Tracy Crossley, writing for Huffington Post, advises the rule works best when you've been completely honest throughout the relationship. If you haven't been truthful, try telling your ex how you feel, not to force an admittance of responsibility or to alleviate any pain caused during the break-up, but to get a clean slate so you can move forward.
Always look out for signs you need to move on from your ex. The No Contact Rule, like anything else, isn't infallible, but if you're going to use it, make sure you're in the right frame of mind and ready to focus on yourself, rather than him.