The Real Reason Men Have Trouble Being Vulnerable, According To A Dating Expert

Both men and women can have a habit of putting up walls to keep their emotional vulnerability protected, but letting down those walls and being open to feeling, understanding, and expressing one's emotions can be the key to a successful relationship.

Brene Brown, a University of Houston professor who studies and researches vulnerability, calls it "the core, the heart, the center of meaningful human experience" (via The University of Minnesota). She has even written a book about the subject called "Daring Greatly," in which she explains vulnerability in depth and advises people how to let their guards down.

"What most of us fail to understand ... is that vulnerability is also the cradle of the emotions and experiences that we crave. Vulnerability is the birthplace of love, belonging, joy courage, empathy, and creativity," she said. When men fail to show vulnerability in a relationship, women sometimes need to understand what is really going in their minds. According to a dating expert, this may be why someone has a hard time opening up.

Lack of vulnerability shows lack of confidence

British dating expert, podcast host, and life coach Matthew Hussey explains why men have trouble showing their vulnerable sides and what the inability to be vulnerable means in a TikTok he posted in August.

"Vulnerability is a form of confidence because I am confident enough to know that I can share this with you and I'll be ok. I can share this with you and it won't lose you," he explained. Opposing this confidence, Hussey explained that essentially, men often feel if they show their true selves rather than a facade they put up, their partner may no longer find them attractive. In his own words, men are often "freaked out." TikTokers were quick to agree with Hussey's explanation. "No connection without vulnerability," one person wrote. Another added that it's okay if you're rejected after being open, as "vulnerability involves risk." 

Hussey once lacked this confidence as well, as he noted on his website, How To Get The Guy. However, he realized if he kept getting in his head, he would never find someone to enjoy life with. "I set out on a mission to become bolder, a better communicator, more charismatic, more confident, and ultimately to go after what I actually wanted instead of settling for what I was getting," he explained. Now, he has helped a myriad of singles find their confidence, too.