What Not To Say To Someone Who Just Got Into A New Relationship
So, your friend just got into a new relationship. We've all been here before. We know how exciting it can be to feel the butterflies of getting to know someone new. We also know that sometimes our friends just can't stop talking about their new flame.
We all want to support our friends and be there for them during life's big moments (via Your Tango). When it comes to talking to someone about their new relationship, though, just because you're thinking it, doesn't mean you should say it. Knowing the right thing to say to your friend isn't just about asking the right questions. Sometimes watching a friend get into a new relationship can bring out negative feelings for myriad reasons — especially if you are single and looking for a partner (via Glamour).
We all want to know how to be a better friend, and sometimes that means making sure your selfishness isn't making you a bad friend. This means putting your own needs aside when your friend is going through a big change and making sure that you're giving them the support they need and keeping judge-y comments to yourself.
Things to avoid
It's not unusual to hear people saying that they like to tell it like it is or that they have no filter. Being honest is important, but when this turns into not being careful about how you present that honesty, things can go awry. Keep this in mind when making any statements about your friend's new partner. Any comparisons to your friend's ex are no-go's (via Cosmopolitan). Leave your partner's ex out of it, and stay positive when talking about their new partner.
Speaking of staying positive, don't jump right into asking if this will affect the amount of quality time you have with your friend. It's not uncommon to have this worry but keep the focus on them right now (via Glamour). On the flip-side, "Let's all go out with him this weekend!" may seem friendly and inclusive, but let your friend choose when to introduce their new partner to the friend group.
Some romantic relationships end up being more important than others. It's not unusual for you to wonder if this person is just a fling or if they could be "the one." Even so, Cosmopolitan says to refrain from asking anything along the lines of, "Could you see this going somewhere?" If your friend is just telling you about this romance now, they probably have no idea where this relationship is going. When they know more, they'll tell you.
How to be supportive
As is true in many important conversations, doing the right thing when talking to your friend about their new partner may be more about listening than talking. Asking questions is a great place to start, and letting them lead the conversation will ensure that they share what they want to share and that you don't venture into any territory that they're not comfortable with. Vice says that a good question to start off with is simply "how are you feeling?" One of the best parts of a new relationship is how it makes you feel. Let your friend tell you all about that, and in doing so, their favorite things about their new partner are sure to come out. By the same token, "tell me about them," is a great way to open up the conversation and let your friend share what they want.
Ask to see pictures. Your friend will most likely love this even if they give you the old, "he looks better in person" line. Looking at the new partner's Instagram or scrolling through selfies together will give you plenty of opportunity for commentary (but keep it positive, of course.) If all else fails, remember that to be a good friend, you should support your pal in good times and bad (via Your Tango). Sharing in your friend's joy and excitement is the key to giving the best support you can.