A Sexologist's Secret To Great Sex On The First Date - Exclusive
From "never have sex on the first date" to "wait at least until date number three" to "do it whenever you want," we've all heard plenty of opinions when it comes to whether or not you should do the deed on your first date with someone new. Of course, we know that any hard and fast rules probably aren't applicable to everyone. When we're out in the world of dating, though, we want to set ourselves up for success and avoid dating mistakes.
Plenty of us are just looking for fun and flings when it comes to dating around, but most people really are in search of lasting love. This makes it easy to wonder if there really are rules about when to get physically intimate with a new partner or if when we hop into bed with someone for the first time actually affects the potential of our relationship. Luckily, Jess O'Reilly, sexologist and host of the Sex With Dr. Jess podcast, has some tips for The List when it comes to whether you should have sex on the first date and how you should go about making the decision that's right for you.
Will having sex on the first date ruin a potential relationship?
Ultimately, whether you should have sex on the first date depends entirely on you and the other person. According to Jess O'Reilly, it really is that simple. If you're wondering in the moment what you should do, O'Reilly's advice is "Do what feels good for you."
If you're thinking that it couldn't really be that simple and that Charlotte from "Sex and the City" and many, many others have told us that having sex on the first date can ruin your chances of the date sparking a long-term relationship, it may be time to unlearn that advice. It really is a myth that doing the deed on the first date will solidify your role as a booty call in the eyes of your date. In fact, it's not at all uncommon for first dates that involve sex to blossom into successful romantic relationships, via Women's Health. According to O'Reilly, "When you opt to have it sex does not universally determine the quality of the sex or the outcome of the (potential) relationship."
How to know what's right for you
Now that we've squashed the myth that a potential relationship could be ruined by sex on the first date, let's talk about the benefits. In an interview with Bustle, Demetrius Figueroa, founder of the dating blog and podcast "The Tao of Indifference," explained that if you're looking for a relationship, it may be best to find out how compatible you are sooner rather than later. "Anyone can talk a good game when it comes to sex, but there really isn't a better way to figure out if you'd be a good fit with someone in the bedroom than actually having sex with them," Figueroa explained. "Why wait two, three, or four or more dates to find out whether or not you're both a good fit sexually?"
Still, regardless of what the future may hold, it's best to live in the present when deciding whether to invite your new flame back to your place or not. That notion that you should do what feels right for you in the moment is the most important thing to keep in mind. Remember that your date is a virtual stranger, and it's best to trust your gut if something doesn't feel right. Ultimately, Jess O'Reilly says, "If you want to have sex on the first date, go for it. Make sure your partner is on board and practice safer sex." Now, that's good advice whether you're on your first date or your hundredth.