12 Surefire Ways To Reignite The Spark In Your Marriage
While the early stages of a relationship usually involve a lot of physical intimacy, couples also tend to show passion for each other in other ways. Each person tries to be their best self and show their partner how much they care about them. This can be through actively listening to the other person's needs, figuring out your partner's love language, and doing simple things throughout the day to show them they're a priority. Often, this intentionality fades once couples get married and fall into a routine. They become more comfortable with each other and get busy with life's typical stressors.
However, keeping the love alive in your relationship should evolve over the years and will likely look different throughout various stages of life together. If your marriage feels like it has lost its spark, you can reignite it in so many ways. While discussing these intentions together can help couples get on the same page, one person can also take the lead and start implementing some of these surefire tactics.
Put intimacy on the calendar
It may sound boring or weird to pencil in intimacy as a married couple, but in the midst of your busy lives, it can be a relationship's saving grace. Oftentimes, sex gets put on the back burner when there are other tasks that seem to take priority. However, putting it on your calendar shows that your physical connection within marriage is also important and needs to be valued. While some may worry that pre-planning your time together will take the spark away, it actually builds excitement and gives couples something to look forward to. Plus, there is always room for a spontaneous unscheduled rendezvous.
Have phone-free conversations
Cell phones have become a normal part of our daily lives, but they can also create distractions and reduce our focus within conversations. While having dinner or talking with your spouse throughout the day, try putting the phones away. There are many reasons why phone-free dinners will make you happier. Making eye contact, showing affection, and giving your undivided attention to your spouse while you communicate can do wonders to deepen your connection. It's hard to be vulnerable or open up when your partner appears to only be half listening with their phone in their hand. Therefore, simply putting the devices away will enhance the connection that comes from each conversation.
Learn to laugh
Laughing is like medicine for the soul, and it can be easy to lose this carefree dynamic as the stressors of life weigh down a marriage. However, learning to laugh more can actually reduce stress levels, improve your mood, and bring more playfulness into your marriage. Laughing is great for your brain health because physiologically, laughing releases "feel-good hormones" that help your body relax. This often leads to a better overall attitude with your spouse. Plus, shared humor also helps to create a closer bond within marriages that increases attraction and adds excitement to the relationship.
Plan date nights
Date nights take the mundanity out of daily life and give married couples something to look forward to. Married life can feel like a hectic balancing act with full-time jobs, household chores, and kids. Adding something else to the schedule may sound like more stress than it's worth, but these date nights actually keep that spark alive because they help couples get out of their rut. You could even plan a romantic stay-at-home date night if that sounds more appealing than going out. While one date a week is an excellent goal to aim for, the frequency really depends on each individual couple. You may find that having more connection throughout the week is what your marriage needs to thrive.
Communicate your needs
Communication within marriage is pivotal because it not only allows you to share how you feel or what's on your mind, but it also gives your spouse the opportunity to know you better.
It can be easy to avoid difficult conversations because conflict is uncomfortable. However, openly discussing your needs and creating a space where vulnerability is welcome helps to build trust and safety within marriages. When partners feel seen and heard, they are inevitably more connected on an interpersonal level. Plus, having this healthy dialogue will give married couples the knowledge and tools to continue meeting each other's needs.
Be intentional with your actions
Intentionality is the key to any long-lasting healthy relationship. People say marriage is a lot of work, but it mainly requires an awareness of the other person's unique needs paired with a willingness to take action and meet those needs.
When going about your day, think about how you could show your spouse love. This might be making them coffee in the morning, filling their car up with gas, or doing the dishes. Of course, consider who you're married to and what you know about them. They might want flowers on occasion or a romantic evening planned. Intentional action in marriage requires thought and effort and reflects how well you know your spouse, which goes a long way.
Leave love notes
You may remember that feeling of pure happiness when you'd see a text message from your partner in the early stages of your relationship. At some point over the years, the sweet messages may have dwindled or become more about who's picking up the kids and what should be picked up at the grocery store.
However, taking a little bit of time to be intentional with your communication each day can make a huge difference in the love your partner feels. This can be done through sticky notes left on the mirror or text messages with cute emojis. Randomly letting your spouse know that you are thinking about them will put a smile on their face and reignite that spark they felt in the beginning.
Do new things together
Nothing reignites the spark of an old relationship like the thrill of something new. While it's great to explore new hobbies and interests on a regular basis, seeking out some adventures with your spouse is a great way to bond and reconnect. It could be something as simple as climbing a new hiking trail together or going out to a certain restaurant for the first time. You may even find it fun to take an art or pottery class together for a more hands-on approach. The goal is to find certain things you've never done with your partner and start creating those new experiences together.
Add more hugging and cuddling to your days
Physical touch is extremely important in relationships. For some people, it is a major love language that makes them feel valued and cherished. In the midst of day-to-day life, it can be easy to go long periods of time without being physically close to your spouse, which is why even small gestures help to keep that love and passion alive. Touching the body of the person you love actually increases happiness and reduces stress. Even a hand on their waist, hugging while cooking dinner, or kissing more often can increase your connection and boost oxytocin.
Watch television shows together
It can be easy to start a new Netflix show on your own just to see how it is. Then, before you know it, you're hooked and watching television in a different room than your spouse every night because you just need to know what happens next.
Instead, discuss some new show ideas with your partner and choose to watch one together. If it's good, it can lead to dedicated alone time each night because you're both invested in the storyline. As a bonus, this also means extra snuggles.
Give your partner a mental health day
One of the greatest ways to light a fire within your spouse's heart is to give them an unexpected day off. No chores around the house, no bedtime routine with the kids, just a full day of uninterrupted peace. As you get older and take on more of life's responsibilities, time is often the thing people want most. When each day is dedicated to meeting other people's needs at work or at home, it can feel like there's no time left for yourself. Therefore, removing those responsibilities for a day and telling your spouse to treat themselves to whatever they want to do is marriage gold!
Dream about your future
In the early stages of a relationship, it's natural to talk about your future together and imagine what combining lives would look like. However, when you are in the thick of married life, it can feel impossible to think about the end of the week, let alone years down the line.
Regardless of how hectic your schedules are, carving out time to simply talk about life goals you both have will do wonders for your relationship. Marriages that grow together thrive and working toward shared dreams of travel or homeownership can be the perfect reminder that you have a teammate for life.