Overcome Your Fear Of Confrontation With 5 Daily Habits

As humans, we all grow up with a unique set of individual fears. That happens no matter how good our childhoods were, and let's face it: no one has a perfect childhood. The simple truth is that if you are alive, you are a work in progress and learning how to continuously navigate life and hopefully become better. Facing your fears is always a challenge, but it's through this hard work that you grow.


Some of the most common fear's that people have are of spiders, snakes, heights, flying, and even dogs. Social phobia is one of the top ten phobias, and fear of conflict is particularly heightened for those who experience social anxiety. For many, the thought of confronting someone with a need or a problem is too much to bear.

However, you can learn to overcome your fear of confrontation, and there are targeted practices that will help you combat it.

Take a look at your patterns of dealing with problems

The key to overcoming any problem is to become aware of it. The first thing to do is reassess how you deal with conflict (via Psychology Today). If you tend to keep things in more than most people you know, especially if you don't communicate your needs or when something is bothering you, that is a problem.


It can be difficult for many to realize this because often, people who have a fear of conflict have spent a lifetime avoiding it, so it seems normal to them. However, if you get a sense of having to stuff your feelings, that's a signal you're not dealing head-on with an issue.

As you go through your week, pay close attention when things disturb you and ask yourself if you are numbing out the bad feeling or avoiding it. That is the first step. It also helps to chronicle situations where you think you may have been quieter than you should have been, as well as how you felt at the time.

Determine whether a situation requires a confrontation and prepare for a conversation

It can be difficult to speak up and confront someone. A healthy engagement consists of a person calmly yet assertively explaining why a situation is disturbing them or what they need from a person or circumstance. By writing down the positive things that may come about from confronting someone versus the negative things that may happen, you can better gauge whether a situation calls for it (per ShineSheets).


Yet remember: If you feel continually frustrated by something, it's probably time to have a conversation to clear your mind. Confronting a situation that causes you stress is a good thing because you are standing up for yourself and your needs.

When getting ready to do anything that may frighten you, preparation is key. You should go over the words you will say and how you will say them. Try writing down the thoughts you want to convey and the words you wish to use. When in the heat of the moment, it's easy to get frazzled, so having the language already clear in your head will help you stay focused and keep to your intended message. Another good tactic is to rehearse your words with a friend or your therapist. They can guide you and help you be more assertive where necessary.


Use 'I' statements

There is a certain finesse that comes with learning to be assertive. Having firm boundaries is a sign of good self-worth, but there is no need to be catty or immature when tackling an issue. In fact, the more emotionally mature a person is, the better they can control their emotions and confront people and situations in a calm and straightforward manner.


One daily practice to use when confronting someone is to explain how something made you feel instead of focusing on the other person, which can lead to them getting defensive (this also helps in everyday conversation). It helps to stick to the main punts, be clear and then move on.

"The best approach is to be honest and open to the other person's feedback," says licensed marriage and family therapist Dr. Racine Henry, as per Sharecare. "Use clear statements that help you express how you feel and what you think needs to change or be fixed."

Remember that outcome isn't everything

When confronting someone, you have no control over how they will react. That is something you must mentally prepare for since you can only control your own responses and actions.

Perhaps you've been avoiding confronting someone because you know they're already an angry and unsteady person. It's likely a hotheaded person may not respond well despite how much you try to be fair, but that's not your main concern. If your goal is to speak up for yourself in an assertive fashion and convey your needs, then as long as you do that, you win — no matter the outcome (via HuffPost).


Of course, it may also be the case that you won't get what you're asking for, but that's also okay. Again, you don't have any control over what another person will do — you can only choose to communicate clearly and respond in a mature way.

Continually practice your newfound confrontation skills

You don't need to have a huge problem to practice being assertive. It can be as simple as using everyday situations to hone your skills. For example, if there is a slight miscommunication with a friend or family member, you can nip it in the bud. Instead of defaulting to your old pattern of avoiding an uncomfortable situation, address it head-on (per Taylor Counseling Group).


Rather than letting time pass and feelings brew, call your friend or family member and discuss the situation over the phone or meet for a coffee and address it directly. If it's a romantic situation, try to practice sharing your feelings as they pop up. Dismissing a hurt feeling or trying to stuff it will only lead to resentment and allow contempt to creep into the relationship, so bring it up and get it out.

After every confrontation, big or small, it's important to recognize that you worked through your uncomfortable feelings to stand up for yourself, and that's a pretty impressive feat.