Why Leaning Into One 'Superpower' While On A Date Might Be A Bad Thing
Dating is one of the most confusing, nerve-wracking spaces to navigate. You and your date are meeting under the pretense that you are both hoping to find a romantic connection with one another. And, if neither of you has any pre-existing connection to each other (i.e. mutual friends,) you are working with a completely blank slate. This means that you solely have one to three hours (depending on how well it goes) to decide if you want to continue things. You feel pressured to make a good impression, and all the while it's likely that anxiety is pulsing through your body.
In these situations, it's not unusual to want to be the best version of yourself. However, in an effort to do this, you might narrow in on what you feel confident impresses people the most. Maybe you know a lot about art, so you end up detailing the entire history of the Baroque period. Or, say you're really funny, so after you break the ice, every other statement that comes out of your mouth is a joke.
While it's great to showcase the things you are proud of, you're more likely to draw in your date's attention if you don't hyper-focus on just one of these things. It might sound contradictory that your best attribute could be your downfall. But, there's a reason concentrating on what some experts call your "superpower" is a mistake and there are ways you can avoid it while staying true to yourself.
Why relying on just one 'superpower' might make you less interesting
Most of us have an idea of what our greatest strength is. In a YouTube video, dating specialist and coach Mathew Hussey refers to this as your "superpower." He told his viewers, "The problem with having a superpower like that is that we tend to rely on it, we lean on it, and we can be too much of it." He then explained for us to be engaged, someone needs to offer something complex. A unique mixture of talents and interests is what makes someone stand out and captivate us.
Hussey continued, "When we are one thing, let's say in this case we're able to have these meaningful conversations, but then we can switch gears to something else, perhaps being flirtatious, teasing someone, being playful, all of a sudden there's a contrast between those two things, and that contrast is sexy. That contrast is unexpected. That contrast is engaging." Experts on love and relationships agree with Hussey, often emphasizing the importance of creating a mystery to foster attraction.
How to create mystery while dating
There's a reason we say we're "interested" in somebody when we are attracted to them. When we want to pursue someone romantically, we get curious about them. We want to know more about who they are, building intimacy and perhaps even a relationship. But if you simplify yourself on the first date by honing in on one of your "superpowers," as Hussey calls it, you might prevent the other person from recognizing how rare you are.
Clinical psychologist Bobbi Wegner, Psy.D. told MindBodyGreen that sharing the layers of your particular personality is a key factor in relationships of all stages. Dr. Wegner emphasized the importance of having your own individual hobbies and passions, "not only for [your] individual self-growth but to maintain a sense of unknown or curiosity with [your] partner." If you want to end your date on a high note, leaving the other person wanting more, you must leave room for them to wonder about you. If you present your wide range of contradictory and peculiar experiences and qualities, they'll be sure to have lingering questions and excitement about you.