Can You Be Too Picky When Choosing A Partner?

When it comes to relationships, finding the right person takes time and patience. If you've been single for a while, you might be getting tired of going on countless dates, only to end up no closer to finding a potential partner. You don't want to settle for just anyone, ignoring major dealbreakers to avoid being lonely — but how can you tell if might be a little too picky? There's nothing wrong with having high standards, but if your standards are set so unattainably high, you might be limiting the available pool of prospects in which to find your perfect partner.

Being too picky can be a form of self-sabotage and be a sign that you feel no one is good enough. As a result, you continuously and consciously find reasons to say no and move along, always in search of something better (via A Conscious Rethink). However, if no one ever meets your bar, then that quest to find a significant other is destined to be endless due to your extreme pickiness.

Signs that you're too picky in your dating life

A major indicator that you're being too picky when dating is that you need your potential partner to check every single box. It's healthy to have expectations, but if you have a one-strike rule and need every single one of your criteria to be fulfilled, you may be constantly setting yourself up for failure to have such expectations ever met. According to The Everygirl, having an all-or-nothing mentality toward dating is often a red flag that you're too picky. And if you are constantly looking to find faults in a person, a form of self-protection could be kicking in to protect yourself from the possibility of getting hurt, per eHarmony.

Do you have an idealistic vision of the "perfect person" and believe they're out there waiting for you? The truth is that no one is perfect and every person you find has their own set of flaws. If you believe your relationship should look like a fairytale, no one will ever be good enough for you to settle down with.

However, while being a picky dater can really put a strain on your love life, there are ways you can open yourself up more to the idea of finding love.

How to stop being so picky when choosing a partner

Ask yourself what scares you about being in a long-term relationship. Perhaps you're afraid of getting hurt or of opening up to someone new. Once you get to the root of your fear, you can start to work on becoming more vulnerable, open, and accepting when dating.

Try to be more open-minded about potential partners, and don't fixate solely on superficial qualities. Superficial qualities can matter to some degree, but they shouldn't dictate the trajectory of your relationships. Ask yourself if the reason you aren't sure about someone is a legitimate dealbreaker and big enough to halt things moving forward. Take time to give each person you're interested in a chance — sometimes, it takes a few dates to get past the awkwardness to truly get to know someone. Quite regularly, the right person for you is someone you least expect. Finding a balance between looking for someone who meets criteria and being more open to the unknown will help you find the real long-term relationship you're seeking.