How To Stop Texting From Destroying Your Relationship
Everyone has a different texting style, from those who use tons of emojis to those who can definitely be called dry texters. The majority of us probably don't think twice about what we message our partner, but text compatibility is an important factor that can impact more than you think, including your relationship. Simply put, if you've been experiencing issues and tension in your relationship, texting could be the culprit.
It isn't just your texting style that could be putting strain on your relationship either. A 2016 study showed that something as simple as using a period at the end of your sentence can influence how your text is perceived (in case you're curious, texts with a period at the end were perceived as "less sincere" than those without.) Punctuation aside, there is also the potential when texting to say things that you wouldn't say to someone in person, purely because you're hidden behind a screen.
If you feel like texting could be negatively impacting your relationship, here's how to solve the issue before it gets out of hand.
Texting has its ups and downs when communicating
It was concluded in a 2013 study that surprisingly, too much texting can indicate a bad thing. The study showed that men who texted often were also "negatively associated with relationship satisfaction and stability scores," meaning they texted more when they felt dissatisfied in the relationship or that they were on unstable ground. On the other hand, the women in the study viewed more frequent texting as a sign of stability in their relationship.
Of course, it also depends on what's written within the texts. The same study found that "texting to express emotion," i.e. saying "I love you" or expressing excitement about something, was popular in couples who had a higher attachment level to each other. Still, texting also has its downsides and is often used as leverage in arguments. The study found that the men who sent negative texts to purposefully hurt their partner were the same ones who reported lower levels of satisfaction in their relationship, suggesting that they knew texting could be harmful and used this to their advantage.
There is room for miscommunication errors when texting
So, what should you avoid texting about? It turns out, quite a lot of things. Speaking to YourTango, dating coach Julie Spira recommended keeping the following out of the text chat: any big news that is likely to spark a long conversation (good or bad), simple phrases like "I feel upset" that could be taken the wrong way if the other person can't see you, and the text that everyone dreads receiving — "We need to talk." All of these phrases could cause major texting anxiety, so it's best to have the conversation in person.
In general, texting anxiety stems from misunderstanding the other person or being worried they will misconstrue what you are saying. Texting your significant other shouldn't feel stressful, nor should it lead to you trying to figure out what they mean. If in doubt, always arrange to speak in person. When speaking face-to-face, there's much less room for confusion because your tone, voice, and facial expressions will help give context to what you are discussing.
Texting can be a great tool of communication when it comes to long-distance relationships or sharing positive observations throughout the day. However, when you let it become the main cause of communication, it can have lasting negative effects.