Should You Write A Letter To Your Spouse To Help Your Marital Problems?
Often, marriage is a blissful and lifelong experience of romance and compassion between two people. Sadly, there may come a point where your love feels like a distant memory. Marital issues — of any magnitude — may creep into your union, causing unwanted friction. In 2021, 689,308 couples divorced in the United States. While that number may be staggering, things don't have to escalate to this point if both parties put the work into their relationship. Now, what this work looks like can vary. Marital counseling, individual therapy, and temporary separation have been shown to repair a distressing marriage. Though those are all great tools to utilize, there is another unconventional method many should consider.
Writing a letter can be a useful tool of communication. Thoughts conveyed within this intimate piece can be a savior for matrimonies in trouble. The letter can be short and sweet or drawn out, filled with highlights of the years together. But it's essential to allow vulnerability in it, too. But can a heartfelt note save a relationship?
Your letter should not be a vent session
When singer Aaliyah detailed her "Four Page Letter" in her 1996 hit, she described enclosing it with a kiss. You don't have to actually smooch the letter. Listen to these lyrics metaphorically, and you'll hear that the letter should be written with love. This letter is a therapeutic remedy, not a way to air grievances. Venting about a spouse's shortcomings may create more distance. Marriage Rescue also advises against placing blame on a mate. Instead, the marriage intervention company says the letter should convey a person's devotion to saving the marriage.
Additionally, Marriage.com suggests expressing appreciation in your letter. Let your spouse know their efforts have not gone unnoticed. Don't be afraid to take a trip down memory lane with fond moments. Think of the moment you exchanged vows or the unforgettable nights spent on your honeymoon. These are fantastic instances to highlight in the love message. The letter should also be used to encourage your significant other to continue their personal self-improvement journey.
Be specific with what you wish to accomplish
In the midst of expressing your admiration and willingness to work things out, be sure to put detailed goals in place. Instead of writing, "I'd like to go on more dates," try something along the lines of: "I'd love for us to have dinner once a month at the restaurant where we had our first date." This shows your partner that you want to spend more time with them but in meaningful places. If the bedroom life has become dull, this can be addressed in a gentle way in the letter, too. A decrease in sex is common in marriage, but it is worth addressing if needs aren't being fulfilled. A marriage without intimacy may provide new hurdles. "I would like to make love at least once a week" is a direct way to voice this need without making the recipient of this letter feel bad or guilty. Even if you only seek a romantic stay-at-home date night, this should be expressed.
Love letter templates exist online via sites like The Bridal Box. Use these formats like prompts — draw inspiration from them but don't copy them. Keep in mind that the letter's purpose is to save your marriage. Therefore, it must be exclusive to your relationship. Another way to add a personal touch is by handwriting the letter. A letter alone will likely not save a marriage, but it is a great beginning to letting the healing process unfold.