Things No One Tells You About Moving In With Your Significant Other
Moving in with your partner is one of the most exciting and challenging aspects of any long-term relationship. From fighting over who's going to take the garbage out, to deciding when to hit the hay each night (particularly difficult if one person is a night owl and the other needs their eight hours), there are a multitude of minor and major arguments to navigate before you even decide to move in together.
An article in The New York Times notes two things are hugely important when moving in together — motivation and commitment level. Moving in should be a shared goal for two people looking to move the relationship forward, rather than newcomers looking to test things out. As couples consultant and coach Lesli Doares told Bustle, "The most important thing a couple should be aware of before moving in together is why they are doing it."
Be prepared to fight and grow exponentially
First and foremost, if you're moving in together it means sharing rent (or a mortgage) and bills, so you'll need to have the dreaded money talk. As Sam Schultz, co-founder of Honeyfi, a free app to help couples manage money, explained, "You should have a conversation with your partner about money and make sure there aren't red flags or big areas of disagreement."
Speaking of which, although you guys might know each other pretty well, living in the same space means discovering stuff about your partner that was previously hidden. "Living together will probably flesh out incompatibilities you may [not] have encountered thus far, and it will certainly bring issues and conflicts to the surface much quicker," Caleb Backe, health and wellness expert, warned. Likewise, be prepared to change up your routine to suit each other when it comes to staying out late or having people over.
There's no hiding from each other
Be prepared to work on your communication and patience if you want to move forward and cohabit happily together. "Your relationship will change," relationship expert Justin Lavelle advised. "Expect to evolve more than you ever did before when you take your relationship to this level, and be prepared to adapt to make the relationship work."
Mostly, though, it's the little things you'll be dealing with, as several women who shared their experiences with Women's Health revealed. Whether it's teaching him where to put his dirty laundry, learning he enjoys playing video games on the toilet, or that he has a crippling fear of creepy crawlies, you're going to learn who your partner really is (and vice versa).
A first-person account in Bustle confirms the same, noting that effort is required to always be considerate of each other, keep the spark alive, and to be realistic about what will happen if the relationship completely breaks down.