How Erin Napier 'Fumbled' The Start Of Her Relationship With Husband Ben

Erin and Ben Napier's love story could be made into a movie. The adorable HGTV couple met at Jones County Junior College in December 2004,but they had admired each other since they'd set foot on the Ellisville, Mississippi campus. "I had loved him for a long time, but he didn't know that," wrote Erin in an Instagram post on the 21st anniversary of their meeting. Except the "Home Town" star didn't want to make her feelings known too quickly. "The few times we'd spoken, I fumbled it by not knowing how to say 'hello' without giving myself away, without telling him I'd like to marry him and have his babies." Instead, Erin sported a "cool indifference" during the first few times she had spoken to Ben. But playing hard to get can sometimes backfire.

According to Patrick Wanis, Ph.D., a behavior and relationship expert, emotional detachment is a common reaction to the prospect of a new romance. He explained to The List that attraction can trigger an influx of chemicals to the brain, which is why Erin fell in love with Ben so fast. But it can also subconsciously precipitate a protective response that Erin called "cool indifference," and what Wanis referred to as the "False Self of Indifference." "Psychologically, that's a defense mechanism, not confidence," he said. "And while it may reduce short-term vulnerability, it can also quietly sabotage connection."

Luckily, Erin Napier's initial aloofness didn't scare Ben Napier away. In an interview with People, Ben recalled the one instance that gave him hope that Erin really liked him back, despite her nonchalant attitude. While in the midst of a school-wide popularity contest, Ben was seeking his peers' votes to win when he asked his future wife to write his name down. "And she said, 'You know I voted for you,' in this, like, very flirty way ... and it felt like, not like the door was open, but like it was unlocked." With a little more confidence that he could woo her, Ben invited Erin to a club, where they both remembered sparks flying as they talked closely into each other's ears — it was also the night of Ben and Erin's first kiss. Suffice it to say, things worked out in the end, but would Erin have been better off revealing her true feelings at the outset of their meeting? Patrick Wanis doesn't think so.

"Timing matters just as much as truth," he told The List. "You can acknowledge a strong attraction internally while allowing the relationship to unfold externally in organic stages." Although Ben mused to People that he would have been happier if Erin had confessed that she was already planning a family with him, that admission might have been a little hasty for the talking stage. Wanis' advice? Stay in the moment. "Be real — but be paced," he said. "Let chemistry spark the connection, and let timing determine whether it can grow into something lasting."