The Untold Truth Of Wife Swap

Have you ever wondered what it would be like to appear on a hit reality TV series? Although it might look fabulous, many who have appeared on hit shows like "Wife Swap" later regret the decision. While you might not be able to tell, guest stars have reported that the way they appeared on your TV screen at home wasn't exactly how they were in real life. Some have claimed that they were portrayed inaccurately, were treated unfairly by the producers, and were asked to perform tasks, such as performing a character role, reenacting scenes, or even reading from a script.

While "Wife Swap" might be seen as fun entertainment for people watching from their living rooms at home, the show came at a cost for some of those who participated. Let's look at some of those secrets and the stories that "Wife Swap" producers don't want you to know.

According to The New York Times, in order to get "Wife Swap" episodes ready to air, participants are supplied with material. They are reportedly asked to rehearse confrontation and, in some cases, reenact scenes that were missed by the camera. In one instance, Nancy Cedarquist, a guest star on the show in 2005, pretended to be asleep, showcasing to viewers that she had overslept and had missed her alarm.

While she did in fact oversleep one day, cameras were not there to capture the footage. To make up for the missed scene, the producers asked her to reenact the missed shot. Although the guest star agreed to recreate the scene, she was surprised by the way reality TV actually worked. Cedarquist told The New York Times, "I really thought reality television was more real than it is." Unhappy with her experience on "Wife Swap," she said, "I'd like to offer myself up as a support person for people who go on these shows."

One way "Wife Swap" likes to keep their episodes fun and entertaining for their viewers is by implementing rule changes halfway through. However, these rule changes are reportedly not actually how they appear on your screen at home. On TV, it looks as if the new wives come up with a list of rules that they believe the family they're sent to should implement and follow. To help keep things exciting, the rules are typically the opposite of the ones that were originally set in place.

However, to ensure that the rule changes are interesting, the producers are reportedly the people who write them. Wendy Roth, a co-executive producer of "Wife Swap," told The New York Times, "The rule changes we always rehearse," noting, "It's a major format point." So it'd seem the producers mix things up by creating what they think will cause a stir for the stars and making them practice their reactions for the show.

Stephen Fowler, who appeared on "Wife Swap" in 2009, regrets his decision to be on the show after being nicknamed the "worst husband in the world," according to The Noe Valley Voice. During the show, Fowler was asked by producers to play an over-the-top, uptight, hard-to-love type husband. Not long after the show aired, Fowler, who must have played this role well, began to receive threatening phone calls and social media messages. Those who watched the episode were angry at Fowler for the way he behaved on the show, and, due to the outcry from the public, Fowler reportedly ended up losing his job.

In an interview, he told The Noe Valley Voice, "They strongly encouraged me to be acerbic. I was playing a character. I was playing a role ... like Simon Cowell on steroids. I overreacted." For the first year after the show aired, Fowler reportedly wasn't able to talk about his appearance on "Wife Swap" due to the contract he had signed. But now no longer restrained, Fowler said, "I do regret going on the show," adding, "I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy."

"Wife Swap" has reportedly fabricated some details, such as relationships and situations, but in order to keep the show interesting, they also apparently look for families who are complete opposite to one another. While you might notice that the spouses are always quite different, this doesn't just happen naturally. Rather, it is reportedly planned and well thought out by the producers.

According to The New York Times, each episode takes months to research and produce before filming begins. When planning the show, the producers list out job descriptions that they hope their guest stars will have. For example, in one episode, one guest star was a "rocket scientist" while the other was a tattoo artist. But before the producers found people to star on the show, these job descriptions were just written down in their NYC office as a show idea. With those keywords in mind, they then began to search for families who met those exact descriptions. So, having completely different people switch places isn't just a coincidence like viewers are led to believe. 

While the aftermath of appearing on the show hasn't always been a positive experience for everyone, one mother from "Wife Swap," Tori Baur, loved the attention she received from the viewers. Most of all, she enjoyed the fan mail that she received from fans. The former guest star told the Gazette-Times, "We've gotten lots of fan mail." She said, "Boys have written saying they think our daughters are beautiful and could they have our phone number."

Although not all of the feedback has been positive, she said most people have been kind to her and her family since their appearance on the show. When asked if she regretted anything about participating on "Wife Swap," she responded, "No, why would I care about anything they showed?" While this is true, in her post-show interview (via Gazette-Times), Bauer said she wouldn't participate in the program if she were asked to do it over again.

Following the so-called "balloon boy" hoax, revealed to be a bizarre attempt to extend their time in the spotlight, the Heene family suffered serious consequences. As Deadline reported in 2020, "Wife Swap" alums Richard and Mayumi Heene paid $36,000 in restitution fees after coming clean about the scheme. The couple was "convicted of attempting to influence a public servant," resulting in a one-month jail stint. The Heenes subsequently spent an additional 20 days behind bars due to filing a false police report, too. Initially, Richard and Mayumi protested their innocence, but they ultimately pled guilty to save Mayumi from deportation, thereby acknowledging she wasn't a citizen. 

However, 11 years after the incident gripped the world, Colorado governor Jared Polis confirmed the "'balloon boy' parents" would be pardoned. In a statement, Polis reasoned, "We are all ready to move past the spectacle from a decade ago that wasted the precious time and resources of law enforcement officials and the general public." He added, "It's time to no longer let a permanent criminal record from the balloon boy saga follow and drag down the parents for the rest of their lives."

Although "Wife Swap" does film a lot during the time the families participate, not every cut will make it into the episode. The producers have been known to edit an episode where important details about the guest stars are often left out. Donna Adams, a wife on the British version of the hit show, shared (via The Richest), "It was very realistic from my end, but it was like they'd twisted scenes. They made it look like our sons Lewis and Cory were laughing at Craig and only used one comment from them which made it look like they think Craig is like that all the time." She added, "Our family is very fun and flexible and they took away all of those scenes that showed us playing games together. We may be organized but we are not militant." 

Comments like Adams' are not a surprise to co-executive producer Wendy Roth. In an interview with The New York Times, Roth said, while 100 hours may have been recorded for the show, only 43 minutes can be broadcasted, which sometimes means hard editing choices.

The amount participants earn for appearing on a show like "Wife Swap" generally isn't made public. But, according to a 2005 post by Reality Blurred, a casting notice from the show's heyday confirmed successful applicants would receive $20,000 for taking part in an episode. A message from producers specified that "families who apply consist of two parents that have at least two children, over the age of 5, living at home," and promised a $20,000 "honorarium fee." 

When the show was rebooted in 2019, Auditions Free reported they were offering $10,000 per successfully cast family. There was also an additional "finder's fee" for anybody who nominated a family that ultimately got cast on the show. Patch confirmed this in a 2020 news post encouraging Atlanta-based families to take part in the new and improved "Wife Swap." A Facebook post from Pitman Casting, meanwhile, clarified that all families were welcome to apply, explaining, "Your family DOESN'T need to be a 'traditional' nuclear family. (For example: LGTBQ+, Multi-Generational, Polyamorous, Non-Traditional Religions)."

There are plenty of reality shows that would never be made today. Horrifying makeover contest "The Swan" stands out as an ill-advised exercise in perpetuating beauty standards long considered dangerous to women's mental health. Although "Wife Swap" is nowhere near as offensive, even by modern standards, there's no denying the show is a relic of a different time. In fact, when Reddit users were posed the question "What show has not aged well?" several people said "Wife Swap." As one user succinctly put it, "My GOD there's some racist, homophobic and judgmental people on there." 

However, although another respondent echoed their sentiments, they also admitted they'd love to see another season. In fact, the show was rebooted on the Paramount Network in 2019. But, as Jezebel noted in 2021, "it failed to recapture the magic of the original." The publication wondered, "Did America grow out of its love for swapping wives or did the producers realize that 'Wife Swap”s archaic notion of wifely duties no longer had a place in the modern reality television landscape? Perhaps both."