What Not To Say To Someone At A Wedding
Wedding season is upon us, and after years of pandemic restrictions, people are ready to party. The wedding industry has seen a huge spike in 2022 with over 2.5 million weddings expected to happen this year, according to The New York Times. As you dust off your dancing shoes and RSVP for this year's events, remember what a good wedding guest looks like: follow the dress code, show up on time, enjoy the ceremony, dance up a storm, and show the newlyweds your love with a thoughtful gift.
While this might seem like common knowledge, you'd be surprised by how many "guest-zillas" wedding vendors have seen over the years. Weddings are a beautiful celebration of love and happiness, but they can also bring out entitled family members and overzealous acquaintances with very loud opinions they feel they need to share during the celebration. Wedding photographer Gerry Duffy writes about the do's and don'ts for wedding guests who get a few precious moments to chat with the happy couple on their big day.
Keep your curiosity to yourself
The number one comment Gerry Duffy suggests you never make at a wedding: "So, when are you having kids?" Let the newlyweds enjoy their wedding day before asking them about their sex life. Also, you never know what a couple has experienced regarding having kids: they may not want children, struggle with fertility, or have experienced pregnancy loss. Even if your curiosity is well-meaning, it's inappropriate to ask in any context, especially on a couple's wedding day.
Try to avoid awkward questions like, "How much did you pay for all of this?" The couple is probably trying to forget how much they spent to feed and entertain all the closest people in their lives, try not to put them in the uncomfortable position of discussing it with you.
Wedding Forward reports that almost all guests have issues with who was or was not invited. No matter how curious you are, asking, "Why didn't you invite your cousin?" is not cool. Be grateful that you were invited, and don't worry why others weren't. And even though you were invited, doesn't mean the day is all about you. Don't ask to give a speech or ask if you can switch tables; if your question is super important, find a member of the bridal party to talk to, rather than bombarding the couple on an already busy day.
Enjoy the wedding without filling out a complaint card
Author Alyssa Brown shares phrases guests should never say at a wedding, per Martha Stewart. She recommends steering clear of any form of complaint when talking with the happy couple. The money dance is not the time to tell the bride that the chicken was dry. Even if you aren't vibing with the dance playlist, it's not your place to bother the wedding party about it; the selection of music was chosen with the couple's music taste in mind. If you don't like the DJ, don't hire them at your own wedding. And as much as we love a full-service open bar, the couple may not have been able to afford such a luxury, or they might be participating in a dry bar to accommodate sober members of their family and friends. Even if you think you're helping, saying, "This is what I would have done instead," in any context has no place at a wedding.
Barring a medical emergency, there is really no reason at all to complain to the newlyweds. If you must gossip, save it for the next family reunion, but we recommend against it: remember that a couple's wedding is a representation of their love. If you wouldn't have personally picked the venue or the color scheme hurts your eyes, that's fine, because it's not your day. Constant negative comments and complaining is a sure-fire way to be uninvited from the next big occasion.
Say something nice – or don't say anything!
An article by Vogue talks about the most common issues guests have at weddings, including the quality of the food, the lulls between ceremony and reception, and the general lack of organization throughout the day. While those are valid issues that do happen at some weddings, it is not the guest's place to make comments to the couple about.
Remember that even the "tackiest" weddings are providing a free meal, a drink, and some entertainment. Be gracious that you were welcomed by the newlyweds on their special day, and hopefully that will make up for any issues you have with the seating chart or the lengthy speeches. The Knot writes that the key to being a great wedding guest is not hogging the happy couple, so use the few moments you have to share words of love and encouragement as they begin their new life together. Remember, if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all ... or even better, just say, congratulations!