The One Question You Should Never Ask Before Going Out On A Date
Going on a date can quite literally be the highlight of many people's week. With the world of dating being a complex and even scary place, landing a date could give singles hope for a future filled with romance. Though excitement may be lingering, it's important to deter from appearing too eager. You want to play it cool, as several dating coaches suggest. This is why there is one pressing question that the experts strongly advise against asking ahead of the big night.
"Are we still on?" may sound innocent enough. It might feel like a method of reassurance, a simple confirmation that the plans are still scheduled. Some could even think that asking it is being considerate of recent life events that the date might not have mentioned in a casual text conversation. However, whatever your reasoning, never ask this dreadful question. At least, not in such a direct fashion. Instead, let's explore much better ways to ask that new love interest to verify the highly anticipated date.
Ditching the 'Are we still on?' question forces accountability
Relationship expert Ali Jackson explained to Elite Daily that asking, "Are we still on?" may actually cause the date to be canceled altogether. According to Jackson, questioning if the outing is still happening gives the other person the opportunity to skip out on the plans. As an alternative, she proposes assuming that the date is still on by letting that special someone know how excited you are to spend time with them. "I'm looking forward to seeing you" or "What time are our reservations for Sunday?" lets the individual know you are still expecting to hang out.
"Are we still on?" gives them the option to ditch the date at that very moment. This could send the message that canceling with little notice is acceptable, which isn't a good way to start something new. Have you ever heard the phrase, "Teach people how to treat you?" Well, giving them an easy way to ditch you is precisely that. Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist Michael Morgan spoke with Psych Central about how practicing this will help you properly communicate your needs with others. "The way you believe about and treat yourself sets the standard for others on how you demand to be treated," Morgan explained.
Formulate a mature response if your date does end up canceling last minute, staying open-minded about their reason why while also ensuring your expectations are clear.
Get straight to the point by using confident confirmation
"Confident confirmation" — coined by leading online dating expert Erika Ettin – is another term used for the language that lets your date know you're still anticipating dinner and a movie. A great benefit of using phrases like "Looking forward to seeing you!" as opposed to a question is that it gets down to business rather quickly without the fluff talk. Love coach and relationship writer Tara Brown noted several great ways to confirm a date in relationship advice publication, Her Way. Per Brown's expertise, when confirming a date, keeping things short and sweet is the best approach. Whether you choose to call or text, one sentence will suffice.
If, for some reason, you can't completely resist the urge to ask questions instead of assuming the date is still a go, still keep things short. Sending a quick, "Hey, are we still on for tacos tomorrow at 7?" isn't exactly leading with confidence, though it does acknowledge that you haven't forgotten your plans. While the person on the receiving end can still cancel if they choose, quick messaging without unnecessary small talk can get the news out quickly and ease the blow if they do ditch.
We know "confident confirmation" is yet another dreaded dating rule to remember — as if navigating the talking stage isn't trying enough. However, relationship gurus promise that avoiding "Are we still on?" or "Are we still hanging out?" can bring you better results. Good luck planning — and executing — a meaningful date!