How To Date If You Have An Avoidant Attachment Style

In life, dating and romantic relationships are incredibly complicated. Being in a relationship with someone requires you to be vulnerable, emotional, and let your guard down in order to let them in and grow together. However, there are many people in the world who struggle with this aspect of being in a relationship. 

When you're romantically involved with another person, your attachment style is critical to understanding how you love and operate in terms of love. In its simplest form, attachment styles are the way in which another person relates to someone else in a relationship (via MindBodyGreen). Experts argue that our attachment style also derives from a very specific place: our childhood.

The way in which we function with romantic partners has a lot to do with the way in which we functioned with our caregivers as children. As such, if someone had a tumultuous childhood with their caregivers and guardians, this can cause them to struggle in their attachment styles as adults. Contrarily, if someone had a really stable and nuclear upbringing, this could make them have a bit of an easier time in terms of this in relationships. 

There are four types of attachment styles that people have: secure, anxious, avoidant, and fearful-avoidant (via Scientific American).

What it means to have an avoidant attachment style and how to cope

The second most common type of attachment style is avoidant attachment style. People who have this attachment style are usually reluctant to establish secure and intimate relationships because they have a very hard time trusting people (via MindBodyGreen). This stems from a failure of care as an infant from their caregivers. As infants, these individuals were constantly set aside and neglected, which is why they feel uncomfortable with intimacy as adults. 

Individuals with avoidant attachment style crave independence and want to be self-reliant because that is where their comfort zone lies. Due to this, they tend to have more meaningless relationships and, when relationships end, they cope rather easily and get over it quickly (via QDT). 

Although people with an avoidant attachment style can be reluctant to love, it isn't totally impossible. They just need to be careful about who they date and what that person's attachment style is. For example, dating someone else with an avoidant attachment style or even an anxious attachment style is not the best idea. Instead, people with avoidant attachment style want to go for those with secure attachment style. This way, one person in the relationship will always be comfortable and willing to push the boundaries, helping the person with avoidant attachment style grow and challenge themselves.