The Truth About Double Texting, According To A Dating Expert
You'd be hard-pressed to find someone that has absolutely nailed down the secrets to dating. From what to wear, to what to say, it can be super nerve-wracking navigating going on dates, especially when it's a first date or with someone you're still getting to know. But as if the date itself wasn't stressful enough, texting etiquette is a completely different area of the dating world that requires thoughtful navigation. It's an issue that is perhaps more relevant for younger generations who might not be familiar with a world in which cell phones and technology aren't default parts of dating.
The ways in which we interact with our crushes via text can bring up a series of highly debated topics that tend to differ from person to person — but perhaps one of the most commonly disagreed upon notions is how often is it appropriate to text someone during the dating/courting process?
What is double texting?
Doubling texting, for instance, is texting someone more than once before they respond to you, a form of communication that involves a stretch of time between the two — or more — texts that are sent from the same person (via Zoosk). Sounds harmless enough, right? Well, maybe not, as many believe that it can be one of the most off-putting actions by someone during the dating process. Indeed, a double text can come across as pretty desperate, anxious, or attention-seeking, as it usually occurs when a person simply couldn't wait for the other person to respond to them.
According to Maria Avgitidis, CEO of matchmaking service Agape Match, "If they haven't texted you after you text, unfortunately, the ball is in their court and they're going to dictate when they respond to you," Avgitidis explains, per Elite Daily. While we know how hard it can be to play it cool and adopt a sort of "hard-to-get" dating style, it might just be the thing that determines whether there'll be a next date.
Experts say double texting might not be bad — in the right circumstances
If you're sitting here reflecting on all the times you've double texted in the past, fear not. As it turns out, some experts suggest that double texting might not be all that bad — and in fact, it could be a habit to adopt that has the potential to reveal some pretty compelling information about your crush.
According to Jennifer Mann, a psychotherapist and media advisor for the Hope for Depression Research Foundation, the negative reputation that double texting has received might not be totally deserved. "As with anything in relationships or building communication with another person, there really should not be any over-generalized right or wrong rules made," Mann told Insider. "When it comes to if it's OK to double text your crush, I would say, depending on the context and content, yes it is OK!" Sweet!
That being said, that doesn't mean you should start double texting everyone in your contact list. According to Elite Daily, there are a few questions you should ask yourself before double texting someone, such as how long it was since your last text to them, what your last text to them said, how long you've been dating, and when you last saw them on social media, amongst a few other parameters. If you've asked yourself these questions and are comfortable with the results, you've got the go-ahead to double text.
This TikTok user compares double texting to economics
Another fundamental question for you to ask yourself when you're deciding whether or not to double text someone is how invested you are in this person. This idea is further examined by TikTok user Ali, otherwise known as @findingmrheight and who has a podcast of the same name. On TikTok, she calls herself a "dating & relationship coach" and boasts over 160,000 followers.
In this video, she explains a situation in which she double texted someone and what her reasoning behind this decision was, which she presents as an example of colliding "economics and dating." The basic premise behind the video is that when someone isn't responding to your text, you have two options: Assume the best and that their lack of response was an anomaly, or assume the worst and that they're ghosting you. Ali explained that "Your level of investment should inform your risk tolerance," which is where economic philosophies come in. Since she barely knows this person, her level of investment is very low and therefore she's risking very little by following up with him and is "no worse off" if things don't work out.
But fair warning: This isn't a foolproof plan and ghosting is still a risk!