Trump Goes Full Carrot With Botched Bronzer Job (But His Ears Tell Another Story)

Donald Trump's brag that he has a "nice high IQ" doesn't seem to extend to his appearance. A president who's smart enough to pass a cognitive test (as he's always happy to show off) should realize that his efforts to look tanned and healthy wouldn't fool even his infant grandson. Unsurprisingly, the internet saw right through Trump's most recent attempt at complexion perfection. 

On July 4, both the White House and the president's Instagram feeds boasted a new photo of Trump. "THE SMILE OF A PATRIOT WHO JUST PASSED THE MOST BEAUTIFUL BILL IN HISTORY," read the all-caps caption. Said PATRIOT sported an orange face in a shade so deep it made his teeth positively glow. The tan might have looked at least a bit more natural if it had extended beyond his cheeks, but Trump's noticeably paler ears gave it away. His hands were also a more natural shade than his face as he showed off his "Big Beautiful Bill." 

The (many) comments on the post included some speculation on the president's picture. "How much makeup do yall think he puts on?" asked a follower. A couple suggested the tone was the result of Cheeto dust rather than Max Factor. One chided Trump's makeup artist for not blending the foundation properly. A respondent snickered that the drag queens so hated by the MAGA crowd wear less paint. Then there was this clever quip: "The real border crisis is between his face and neck."

Say what you will about the 47th president, but he's consistent about a lot of things. Despite Donald Trump's many makeup fails — and the accompanying jokes about his overly orange tone — he refuses either to use a more natural foundation shade or to apply it evenly across his face and hands. Trump's awkward dancing moments are another source of ridicule, yet he continues to show it off. The president actually demonstrated his piston-esque move twice over the July 4 weekend: once at a rally in Iowa, and then again at the White House as he watched the glorious fireworks display from the balcony with Melania.

Always a businessman at heart, Trump knows about branding. His hit show "The Apprentice" was a season-long challenge to find the player whose creative products and fundraising techniques made the most money for their team. Trump's constant MAGA merchandising during his presidential campaigns may have seemed tacky, but those millions of baseball caps and Bibles helped win him votes. Even now that he's back in the White House, his team still churns out merch such as his new $250 Trump "Victory 45-47" cologne to ensure he still stays relevant. This would certainly explain why the president continues to slather on the uneven bronzer and cover up his receding hairline with an ever-thinning pouf. Why risk a short haircut or a paler cover-up when his fans love him just the way he is?