Signs That Lily Allen And David Harbour's Marriage Was Never Going To Last

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One thing that no one had on their lockdown-era bingo card was Lily Allen and David Harbour deciding to get married in a ceremony officiated by an Elvis impersonator. But that's exactly what happened in September 2020. It was Allen's second marriage, but this wedding was nothing like her first. The nuptials were a pared-down, no-frills affair exemplified by the reception venue being ... an In-N-Out Burger. It was far from the romantic English church of her first wedding, but we're here for it.

The "Stranger Things" star and "Smile" singer tied the knot quickly after going official in October 2019, and Harbour later admitted he was unsure what Allen saw in him. "We met on one of them dating apps ... She claims to have fallen in love with me at first sight, but she said when I saw you I saw the biggest person I'd ever seen in my life and also the smallest person I'd ever seen in my life," he told James Corden on "The Late Late Show" in 2022. "That was what made her fall in love with me, that I was very big and very small. I don't know what that means." But sadly, after four years of marriage, Allen and Harbour's communication had gotten worse, with the pair going days without even talking.

Although the pair looked loved up when they wed, there were soon plenty of signs that these star-crossed lovers weren't going to last forever.

It's one thing to be labeled a red flag by others; it's another thing to admit it yourself. So we admire Lily Allen's candor when talking about her behavioral turn-offs. "I think I was a tactile kid but as soon as I got my first boyfriend Lester, a complete transference of intimacy. Not only did I not want to touch, be cuddled or kissed by anyone in my family, I couldn't engage in it with them either," she told podcast pal Miquita Oliver on their show "Miss Me?" (via the Mail Online). "It was like no this person is where I put that now. It's incredibly red flag, co-dependent behavior. I just put all my emotional dependency on one person."

Such excessive emotional dependency may be based on a false feeling of love, via Psychology Today. That's not to say Allen didn't love Harbour; she clearly seemed smitten throughout their marriage. To quote her now-deleted Instagram for their wedding anniversary, "'3 years with this guy, 2nd best decision I ever made. 1st was that dress," as per the Mail Online. But Allen's admitted emotional dependency means that all the pressure was put on the marriage for her validation and self-worth. That's a lot of pressure for any relationship to hold. It's even a relationship red flag that science says you need to watch out for.

On a positive note, Allen has self-awareness of her behavior, something essential for overcoming emotional dependency. We respect her for trying to turn this red flag green.

Many husbands and wives speak to each other every day, whether it's in pillow talk or discussing whose turn it is to do the dishes. But Lily Allen and David Harbour went days without speaking. In an episode of her podcast "Miss Me?" Allen – who, at that point, had been married to Harbour for the best part of three years – told close friend Miquita Oliver that she didn't have that much to say to her husband. "I don't know, actually, if it's good, I feel like absence makes the heart grow fonder," said the "Hard Out Here" songstress (via the Independent). "We do FaceTime a lot and sometimes it feels like it gets a little bit too much and then we'll have, like, a couple of days, a few days, not talking at all and it's great." Although Allen adopted a positive attitude to their irregular communiqué, it shows a fault line in the relationship

"Communication is the mortar that holds a relationship together," says relationship oracle Dr. Amy Burrows (via Focus on the Family). "If it breaks down, the relationship will crumble. When spouses no longer communicate, a marriage nurtures no one. It is no longer a marriage." In fact, 67.5% of marriages fail because of a lack of communication, leading to a lack of attachment and dissatisfaction, as per the Well Marriage Center. So, marriages often suffer from communication breakdowns, and Allen and Harbour's was no different.

Lily Allen's dad, actor Keith Allen, is a controversial figure. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree, as they say, with Lily courting her fair share of headlines throughout her career. But Keith didn't just gift his daughter the ability to get the tabloids talking; he also bequeathed his fair share of issues. It's all part of Lily's tragic story, and her father played a major part in it after leaving the family when Lily was a child.

"I haven't really spoken to him, to be honest, for a while," Lily said of her dad when speaking to The Telegraph in 2021 (via the Huffington Post)."The last time I texted him was on Father's Day and he texted back saying 'Thank you.' We haven't connected for a while." Furthermore, she wrote about the troubled relationship with her father in her book "My Thoughts Exactly," as she claims he had a cocaine-related heart attack at Glastonbury when Lily was just 13 years old. (Keith disputed this, saying he had "acute food poisoning".) Yikes! No wonder there are issues.

Returning to the "Miss Me?" podcast in March 2025, after a brief stint in rehab following her marriage breakdown, Lily got candid about her subconscious faults. The "LDN" singer blamed her "daddy issues" for her failed marriage, as per Metro. Allen added she was looking for "[a] father figure. But I am trying to stop that now." It's important to note that Harbour is 10 years older than Lily. Although some age-gap red flags are actually myths, this red flag was so real that Lily couldn't ignore it. We hope that she can sort out her issues. Again, she's taking the first step toward healing by acknowledging them.

If you or anyone you know needs help with addiction issues, help is available. Visit the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration website or contact SAMHSA's National Helpline at 1-800-662-HELP (4357).

A day after getting their marriage license, Lily Allen and David Harbour joined a long list of celebrity couples that got married in Las Vegas. It was a loved-up scene at Graceland Wedding Chapel, documented on Harbour's Instagram. "In a wedding officiated by the king himself, the people's princess wed her devoted, low born, but kind credit card holder in a beautiful ceremony," wrote the "Hellboy" actor in his caption. "[L]it by the ashen skies courtesy of a burning state miles away in the midst of a global pandemic."

The last sentence of Harbour's post is telling; they wed during COVID-19 after only dating for a year. They weren't the only couple to fast-track their relationship during the lockdowns. "Many couples who met during the pandemic were blessed with what I and other relationship experts call the 'couple bubble', where they are able to have large amounts of protected one-on-one time without distractions from the outside world," the clinical psychologist Jessica Griffin told the BBC. "It also prevented outside influences — there were less opportunities to meet friends and family — or even other potential suitors." As rumors emerged that Harbour cheated on Allen throughout their marriage,  which coincided with the actor returning to work, it appears the couple bubble may have been in full effect with these two for a time.

As noted, Lily Allen and David Harbour wed during the unique circumstances of a pandemic and lockdowns. A time when everybody had to stay inside, with nothing to do but make sourdough or start crocheting. So, when the real world came knocking and the schedules started filling up, the couple began to struggle. After rumors in 2023 that the couple was living separate lives (rumors that would rear their head again at the end of the couple's marriage), the then-lovers took a romance-rekindling trip to India.

Indeed, the pair had been living separate lives. But it was all for work. Allen was appearing in "The Pillowman" in London's West End while Harbour was spending time in the U.S. The trip did help the couple rekindle some romance, but were they not just escaping the real world as they did during COVID? "Lily and David had a really romantic holiday together exploring the sights of India," a source told The Sun. "It gave them some quality time together which was needed after a tough year where they were apart for long periods of time for work. That's enough to put a strain on any relationship but now that they aren't separated by the Atlantic, things are much better." However, as their marriage continued into 2024, the trip to India only papered over the cracks in their relationship.

When the ancient Greek and Roman societies first began to impose societal monogamy, easy access to dating apps was not a concern. Try telling Aristotle what a superlike is — it would melt his brain. But in this millennium, apps like Tinder and Hinge have become one of the premier modes of dating. Heck, data from The Knot suggests that as of 2024, 27% of engaged couples met on dating apps. However, these apps can also break a relationship, as Lily Allen found out.

"The Fear" singer went Sherlock Holmes mode when she suspected David Harbour of cheating and made some heartbreaking discoveries. "Lily was looking for women that were on Raya and cross-referencing them with women David follows on Instagram," a source told the Mail Online, "to try to figure out who he was seeing." What Allen found was damning, as reportedly Harbour was on the app and had been active for at least a month when his then-wife began to snoop. In his profile, Harbour sold himself as a "closet nerd that plays tough guys on your TV" and informed potential suitors he was "Visiting New York from Atlanta" (as per the Mail Online). Allen's worry that her husband was having a secret fling was all but confirmed by her amateur sleuthing. Harbour, here, was the "URL Badman" Allen eulogized in song a decade earlier.

As we've covered Lily Allen's red flags, it's only fair that acknowledge David Harbour's. If rumors are to be believed, Harbour cheated on Allen and moved on very quickly after their marriage crumbled. However, this wasn't the first time that "The Newsroom" actor had his head turned while in a relationship. He dated the "Forgetting Sarah Marshall" star Maria Thayer between 2009 and 2011. The then-couple were even rumored to be engaged. However, when the relationship ended, Harbour quickly moved on with actor Julia Stiles.

"​​I'm easily swept away, but I'm trying not to be as much," Harbour told Women's Health in 2017. "I'm better at the fantasy of relationships than I am at the daily real life, but I'm trying to steer myself into a realist." However, seven or so years later, Harbour still wasn't realistic enough. While he was married to Allen, rumors suggest he was swept away by model Ellie Fallon and had an affair with a costume designer. As they say, a leopard doesn't change its spots, so perhaps it was Harbour's wandering eyes that doomed this marriage from the start.

After their third wedding anniversary, eagle-eyed fans noticed that Lily Allen had unfollowed David Harbour on Instagram. An act that seemingly signals the death knell for celebrity relationships. In the internet age, unfollowing your partner is the equivalent of being subpoenaed with divorce papers — at least, that's how fans of the couple saw it. "I LITERALLY was just looking at their Instagrams earlier today thinking, 'Wow, they really don't seem like they're really together anymore.' WOW," said one user on Reddit. Another shared their disappointment on the Reddit post, writing, "This is such a bummer, they were such a cute couple."

When people's lives are documented online, something as innocuous as an unfollowing is major. Although the act may look a bit petty, it's an important way of moving on after a relationship. "Reading information about how happy [an ex appears] — and perhaps seeing a new partner on their page — can prompt an emotional outburst," relationship guru Susan Winter told Mashable. In the same article, break-up coach Laura Yates concurred, "I think disappearing from your ex's life completely — including their digital one — even if this is for a temporary amount of time, is the only way to give you that time and space you need to heal." If an unfollow can spark feud rumors between Selena Gomez and Dua Lipa, then it's not nothing when a wife unfollows her husband.

With Allen's unfollowings and cryptic Instagram posts, it's often hard to tell when her ire is directed at David Harbour. However, on the "Miss Me?" podcast in December 2024, Allen made a gesture that left nothing to the imagination. On the podcast, she can be seen without her wedding ring. It's a ring that features 12 diamonds, as per Page Six, so it'd be hard to miss and obvious when absent.

In clips from the podcast, Allen can be seen gesturing with noticeably bare hands. A serious statement from the singer. The gesture spoke volumes as it was months before she announced her split with Harbour. "Taking [a wedding ring] off does help one psychologically," the relationship columnist Virginia Ironside told the BBC. "But it's a pretty emotional decision. Ultimately, it's all about how you wish to be seen — whether you wanted the marriage to continue or not." With this gesture, Allen was positioning herself firmly as a single woman despite still being married.

Christmas is a time of family and friendship, known as the most wonderful time of the year *trademark icon*. No one knows that more than Lily Allen, who became the talk of the town in Christmas 2013 when she covered Keane's "Somewhere Only We Know" for the annual John Lewis advert and reached number one. However, Allen didn't have quite as successful a festive season in 2024. At least not when it came to her marriage to David Harbour.

"I had to text my cousin because she is there with my children. Every year I buy four tickets to go and see the Nutcracker at the Lincoln Centre," Allen said on her "Miss Me?" podcast, hinting at her festive loneliness (via the Mail Online). "I have completely forgotten that I have these tickets so they're going to have to go without me tonight." Allen then got candid with her listeners about the demise of her marriage on the podcast, as per the Mail Online, "I'm having a bit of a rough time of it at the moment, but I'm trying to soldier on," and told her audience she was "bored of men."

During the Christmas period, Allen, defiantly soldiering on with her life or perhaps just seeking a distraction, took a leaf from her then-husband's book and got back on the celebrity dating app Raya. In her profile, she listed herself as interested in women. Whether she was looking for romance or friendship, we just don't know. Either way, it had all the signs of a marriage about to collapse. Unsurprisingly, in the new year, it did.