Strange Rules First Ladies Are Expected To Follow In The White House

The first lady of the United States is typically the president's wife, but the role has also been filled by women who were not married to the commander-in-chief have stepped into the role. As widowers, Thomas Jefferson and Woodrow Wilson entrusted the traditional responsibilities of a first lady to their daughters. In fact, several other presidents have had women in their family step in, in some cases because their wives couldn't take on the gig. While it's an unofficial role rather than an elected office or paid job, one of the main functions of the first lady is to act as the hostess of the White House — but a first lady doesn't necessarily have to live at 1600 Pennsylvania Ave.

Unsurprisingly, Melania Trump seems to have made the most out of this. While her husband, Donald Trump, moved into the White House in 2017, she stayed in New York to ensure her son Barron Trump could complete his schooling and only started living in the historic residence in June 2017. It doesn't seem like Melania enjoyed her first stay very much, since she spent less than 14 days in the White House during the first six months of Donald's second administration in 2025 — andthat wasn't the only eyebrow-raising decision that Melania made as first lady. 

In 2020, Melania's former aide and once-friend Stephanie Winston Wolkoff informed The Washington Post that she frequently used a private email account for communication related to government matters instead of the more traditionally accepted official White House account. Although the Presidential Records Act permits the use of personal accounts (only with impeccable record-keeping), she is still barred from discussing classified matters on the email. Likewise, there are several other normal things that first ladies can't do when they're in the White House.

Speaking to Reader's Digest in 2025, political and governmental relations expert William S. Bike shared that after John F. Kennedy's assassination, former presidents were only allowed to drive on private property. On open roads, they had to be chauffeured "by Secret Service personnel who are trained in evasive driving maneuvers." And that rule seems to have extended over to first ladies, too. 

During a 2018 People interview, Michelle Obama confirmed that she hadn't been allowed to get behind the wheel even after her husband's presidency concluded. When the "Becoming" author chatted with Oprah Winfrey at the United State of Women Summit in 2016, she admitted that she missed having fresh air around her home since the first family wasn't allowed to crack open a window. Through laughter, she recalled how her daughter Sasha Obama had dared to open a window and immediately had people shouting "Shut the window!" Needless to say, no member of the Obama family dared to try again. And, although Michelle desperately wanted to, she couldn't go to the grocery store. 

In fact, the former first lady even joked that her friends would have to give her a refresher course on how to shop in a retailer since she was so cut off from the world. After French President Emmanuel Macron and his wife Brigitte Macron stayed at the White House in 2018, she told Le Monde some ways in which her life was freer than Melania Trump's, saying: "She can't even open a window at the White House. She can't go outside. She's much more constrained than I am. I go out every day in Paris."

Some political wives undoubtedly have really lavish lifestyles. As first lady, though, they may be more compelled to spend more conservatively since the first family has to pay for their personal expenses on their own. The presidential family has to shell out the costs for their White House meals as well as other essentials such as toiletries, clothing, and dry cleaning. 

The White House's usher's office tracks these miscellaneous personal expenses and sends them over to the first lady and the president around the 15th of every month. Then, the president pays the government back. After Nancy Reagan's husband's term ended, she stated that she was surprised to know the amount of stuff that the president had to pay for out of their own pockets.

Moreover, the first ladies also don't get paid a single dime for all the work they do since the position doesn't come with any official responsibilities. Notably, Hillary Clinton had an especially packed schedule during her eight years in the role since her schedule spanned a whopping 11,000 pages. However, if a first lady feels like they don't have much on their plate already, they can take on a job. When Joe Biden took office in 2020, Jill Biden continued in her role as an English teacher at Northern Virginia Community College. Even Eleanor Roosevelt continued working as a newspaper columnist while she was first lady while taking on additional writing work, and making media appearances. Roosevelt donated most of the money she made at the time.

There is a bizarre fashion rule that you likely didn't know first ladies have to follow. Although they can accept a gift from a designer, they must donate it after only one wear. Some first ladies have fared better than others with the rule. Melania Trump and Michelle Obama donated their respective designer-made inaugural gowns to the Smithsonian. However, Nancy Reagan got into trouble for the rule. 

In 1982, her decision to accept designer clothes to donate them to museums was met with backlash. Subsequently, Reagan shared letters asserting that she wouldn't accept designer clothing and would donate the clothes she owned to museums. At the time, an aide informed The New York Times that Reagan had good intentions since she wanted to shine a light on the American fashion industry, but she eventually grew frustrated with people misconstruing her actions. 

However, her troubles with the rule were far from over. In 1988, Time reported that the then-first lady had continued borrowing designer clothes, and hadn't disclosed them, as she was ethically required to after the initial backlash. Her press secretary, Elaine Crispen, initially stated that Reagan had bought the designer clothes in her closet. Then, Crispen conceded that Reagan had continued borrowing clothes from designers, but returned them. After her time as first lady ended, Crispen said that Reagan would keep some dresses and deem them gifts and return some she considered loans. Suffice it to say that the rule has led us to do a retake of some of the most expensive first lady outfits.

All the luxurious gifts that the first family receives can paint a lavish picture of their lives. According to a 2025 report, India's Prime Minister Narendra Modi bestowed the most expensive gift of 2023 onto Jill Biden: a 7.5-carat diamond that came with a $20,000 price tag. The educator also received a $14,063 brooch from Ukraine's ambassador to the United States. However, she wasn't permitted to keep either of those gifts since they came from foreign visitors and were technically considered gifts to the United States. 

Additionally, executive branch heads are legally required to declare gifts from foreign governments that exceed $480. The report revealed that most gifts from foreign governments were transferred to the National Archives. However, the diamond that Modi gave Biden and the Ukrainian ambassador's brooch were amongst the handful of presents retained for use in the White House for the East Wing. Notably, a spokesperson for Biden informed CNN that the National Archives would get the diamond once the Bidens vacated the historic residence. 

According to the Ronald Reagan presidential library website, the presents that are transferred to the National Archives may eventually join a presidential library museum collection. If a gift is particularly close to the first lady and the president's hearts, they can buy it from the General Services Administration at its market value. In contrast, the president and the first lady can keep gifts from domestic governments as long as they pay federal taxes on their appraised value. If they choose not to retain a gift, it is either donated to charity or added to the National Archives.

Although the first ladies can make the White House feel more like home by making alterations to their living quarters, there are some areas of the historic buildings they aren't allowed to touch. In a 2016 ABC News interview, best-selling author and journalist, Kate Andersen Brower, shared that some areas of 1600 Pennsylvania Ave had to be left untouched since they were "Essentially historic rooms [which] belong to the American people, not to the families who live there." Although a first lady can enlist the help of an interior designer, they also have to consult a White House curator to ensure they aren't disrupting the White House's rich history. 

Additionally, the first lady is expected to select a Christmas tree for the iconic building using a theme. Melania Trump was infamously displeased with the responsibility. In 2020, CNN shared audio recordings of the then-first lady ranting about Christmas decorations that had been secretly recorded by her former aide, Stephanie Winston Wolkoff. In them, Trump is heard saying: "I'm working ... my a** off on the Christmas stuff, that you know, who gives a f*** about the Christmas stuff and decorations? But I need to do it, right?" 

The first lady is also responsible for organizing other holiday events such as the Easter Egg Roll and the Hanukkah celebration. In addition to tending to these matters, the first lady is also typically expected to champion an uncontroversial social cause. While Michelle Obama launched the Let's Move! Program to curb childhood obesity, Trump sought to improve children's overall well-being with the Be Best initiative.