Why Barack Obama Struggled To Connect With His Daughter Sasha When She Was Younger

While it might be hard to believe, former President Barack Obama found parts of parenting Malia and Sasha Obama difficult. On an August 2025 episode of her and brother Craig Robinson's podcast, "IMO," former first lady Michelle Obama opened up about Barack's struggles in his relationship with their younger daughter, Sasha. And this problem is relatable for many parents.

Michelle explained that Sasha wasn't as likely to seek out bonding time with her father as Malia was when they were growing up — something Barack found troubling. According to Michelle, "Sasha is like a cat. She's like, 'Don't touch me, don't pet me. I'm not pleasing you. You come to me.'" This differed greatly from Barack and Michelle's experience with Malia, who is three years older than her sister. "When Malia was a teenager, it wasn't that she was going out any less or doing anything differently," Michelle explained. "She would tell me, 'I'm going out this weekend but I'm going to go in and give dad like 15 minutes.'" When Sasha didn't behave like this, Barack became concerned. 

In Michelle's opinion, however, this is all part of being a parent. She said you "have to be a chameleon" to adapt to what your child needs. "Some people parent to one child, or one personality child, but then you have three," she explained. It seems Barack was able to do just this as he and Sasha have grown closer over the years. 

The challenge Barack Obama faced when raising his daughters is something to which plenty of parents can relate. And it seems Michelle Obama's instincts about the importance of adjusting your parenting style for each child were correct. In an exclusive interview with The List, licensed child therapist and parenting expert Dr. Kim Van Dusen, LMFT, RPT explained why parenting different children differently can be vital. "As parents, we try to treat our children equally and sometimes our personality and interests align more with one child... than the other," she explained. "I have no doubt that President Barack Obama loves his children equally with his entire heart, sometimes we just naturally click with another human based on common interests and/or personality. It is not something any parent should feel guilt or shame about," she said.

Dr. Van Dusen's advice is to remember that "the most important element is that both children know they are loved for their own uniqueness and interests." In her opinion, the key is to avoid playing favorites while still leaning into what makes each child who they are. "I suggest parents to spend one-on-one time with each of their children and find a commonality with each of them... Connecting with them on this common ground is extremely important to the relationship." Turns out Michelle Obama's parenting advice was spot-on and it seemingly helped Barack and Sasha's relationship grow in the end.