Kelly McGillis Had A 'Difficult' Time Accepting Her Sexuality: 'I Tried Really Hard Not To Be Who I Am'

"Top Gun" leading lady Kelly McGillis made headlines in 2009 after bluntly clarifying to a reporter that, if she ever dated again after her divorce, that special someone would not be a man, despite the actor having been married to male partners twice before. That very same year, McGillis admitted to People that she briefly hesitated before answering. "[A reporter] asked me the question and I thought, Hmm, do I say the truth, or do I just say, It's none of your business, which is my standard answer?" the eighties icon recalled. She opted to just be honest, responding simply, "Definitely a woman." 

This admission wasn't exactly the easy option, especially since the "Top Gun" star had a difficult time coming to terms with her identity. "I tried really hard not to be who I am. I tried super hard," McGillis sadly acknowledged. "It was a difficult journey for me to come to terms and be whole and happy with who I am." These days, there are tons of stars who are LGBTQ+ allies, but back then, the world was a very different place. In 2010, the "Stake Land" star confirmed to Philadelphia Gay News that she knew she was gay in high school. "I was very attracted to girls in high school, and that horrified me because I just knew that wasn't right. That's what I told myself," McGillis said.

It didn't help that sex and sexuality were never discussed in her household either. "It was a very, very scary and confusing time for me," the actor noted. Still, she learned a valuable lesson: Hiding who she is simply to keep others comfortable was a waste of precious time and only left her not recognizing the woman in the mirror.

Kelly McGillis keeping her sexuality under wraps for decades was, in part, to protect her kids from the inevitable fallout. The actor's children knew she was gay, and they were okay with that, as McGillis clarified to The New York Times in 2010. Rather, "It was their friends and their friends' parents that weren't very accepting." As such, "My kids suffered a great deal because I was with Mell [Melanie Leis], and that bothered me a lot, and so I never chose to talk about it." Of course, that changed in 2009 when the "Top Gun" star told that reporter that she was gay. 

Kelly McGillis had weathered many tragedies throughout her lifetime, but coming out as gay definitely wasn't one of them. In fact, it allowed her to finally be herself. In 2010, the "Accused" star and her partner of 10 years, Leis, had a civil union ceremony, as a result of which McGillis finally felt content with her life. "I have a very quiet, little normal life, and I love it," she explained to People in 2016. Unfortunately, their marriage didn't last, and the couple called it quits in 2013. 

Kelly McGillis also ditched Hollywood and instead focused her efforts on helping other women. Given her own history of substance abuse, she could connect with others in a similar situation, hence her work with a New Jersey rehab. "I find it's just an amazing gift to see people come in hopeless and to be given some hope and some desire to live, and some tools for hopefully changing their lives, their children's lives, their families' lives," McGillis told The Oklahoman in 2013.

If you or anyone you know needs help with addiction issues, help is available. Visit the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration website or contact SAMHSA's National Helpline at 1-800-662-HELP (4357).