Quote Of The Day By Dr. Ruth: 'Nonsense That Couples Have To Do Everything Together...'

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Dr. Ruth Westheimer cemented her legacy by giving advice about love and intimacy, and much of that wisdom was the product of decades of experience, both in life and as a therapist. Born in Germany in 1928, Dr. Ruth's childhood was tragically impacted by World War II. She was believed to be the only member of her Jewish family to have survived after they sent her to an orphanage in Switzerland when she was 10 years old. 

Dr. Ruth had her share of romantic struggles, but they turned out to be crucial learning experiences for her career. Although she was married to Manfred Westheimer for over three and a half decades, her previous marriages lasted only a few years each. "My first two marriages were legalized love affairs, but with Fred, it was true love," Dr. Ruth wrote for Moment in 2020.

Although Dr. Ruth had been studying psychology since the 1950s, it wasn't until the 1980s that she built her reputation as a sex educator on radio and TV. Beyond her vast knowledge, it was her direct but nonjudgmental delivery style that made her a legend and helped Dr. Ruth accrue an impressive net worth. She approached every intimate topic with thoughtful consideration and respect, and she encouraged people to do what worked for them.

Dr. Ruth also didn't hesitate to speak out against conventional norms she deemed misleading, including the idea that couples should always share a bed. It's fascinating that a therapist who was so focused on the bedroom would also advocate for sleeping separately, and that's why Dr. Ruth's message is today's quote of the day.

Dr. Ruth Westheimer was all about differentiating between intimacy and common sense. "I don't believe in that nonsense that couples have to do everything together, and that definitely includes spending the entire night in the same bed," Dr. Ruth declared in her memoir "All in a Lifetime," which was first published in 1987.

For Dr. Ruth, this was also a lived experience, since she didn't want Manfred Westheimer's snoring to disrupt her rest. Dr. Ruth candidly disclosed this sleep disturbance during a 2019 appearance on Tamron Hall's talk show. On the program, she also advocated that couples with children trade off on nighttime parenting responsibilities so they could both get enough rest.

Even though people usually remember and focus on the zestier bedroom advice from Dr. Ruth Westheimer, she took a more well-rounded approach to helping people that wasn't always sensual. "I don't want to be known only as a sex therapist. I want to be known as a therapist," Dr. Ruth explained to The New York Times in 2023, about one year before the author's death. At the time, she was focused on promoting platonic connections in addition to romantic partnerships and attempting to address the increasing loneliness of younger generations.

Like that later work, today's quote from Dr. Ruth connects to her belief that couples don't have to be each other's everything. For instance, during her marriage to Manfred Westheimer, they shared hobbies, but they also spent considerable time apart while Dr. Ruth was traveling for work. In fact, she didn't even want him in the audience at her speaking engagements. So, the quote suggests that for Dr. Ruth, healthy independence and self-love are just as important to a relationship as intimacy and a deep connection.

Since her death, the sleep-focused part of Dr. Ruth's quote has been encapsulated in a term we hear more frequently in the media: "sleep divorce." According to a 2025 survey from the American Academy of Sleep Medicine, 31% of respondents were following Dr. Ruth's suggestion and sleeping separately. Besides getting away from sleep disruptions and promoting overall health, Dr. Ruth also noted that more well-rested people also experienced better intimacy. Thus, perhaps her quote is a natural bridge to a more famous one — "Absence makes the heart grow fonder."

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