Surprising Things We Now Know About Billie Eilish From Her Documentary

Billie Eilish is really kind of normal. Trust us. She's 19 years old and she's not getting enough sleep. "Going to sleep late ... I can't stop and I would like to, she told Vanity Fair (via YouTube)She aspires to drive to Costco alone. And, to "find peace," she goes 120 miles an hour on the freeway. "Don't try it at home," she joked. 

So, yes, the superstar's new documentary, The World's a Little Blurry, is full of surprises — like the fact that Eilish was once so in love with Justin Bieber that she says, "I literally remember sobbing into a pillow because I thought, 'I'm never gonna feel this way about anyone [else]" (via The New York Post). Bieber, for the record, is there for Eilish. 

"I just want to protect her ... I don't want her to go through anything I went through," Bieber told Apple Music's Zane Lowe in 2020 about Eilish (via USA Today). "I don't wish that upon anybody. If she ever needs me, I'm just a call away." 

But before we dish on all the Billie Eilish shockers in The World's a Little Blurry, a little perspective might be worthwhile. As Eilish reminded Stephen Colbert during a recent interview, the doc isn't "everything ... like, you're seeing a sliver of my life at that time ... there's a ton that isn't in there, but it's pretty much me" (via YouTube). Ready to dive into the dirty details? 

A secret romance

Billie Eilish might be single now (maybe), but she used to be head over heels. Watch The World's a Little Blurry and you can gawk at the Grammy-award winner hanging up the phone with her secret love interest, and saying, "I love you" (via Us Weekly). Eilish and singer Brandon Adams (or "Q") have known each other since at least 2018, but were definitely dating by 2019. Adam's artistic name is 7: Amp, and Eilish and Adams were close enough at one point that Eilish appeared on the cover of his 2019 album, Bleaupro (via HITC). But, as ET points out, it wasn't all smooth sailing between the two musicians. There was that time, for example, that Adams punched a wall and had to get to the emergency room for treatment.

And so, like most of us have had to, Eilish learned a #lifelesson. "There was just a lack of effort, I think," she reflected after the relationship was over. "I was like, 'Dude, you don't even have enough love to love yourself, you can't love me. And you don't.'" She also learned the important lesson that you can't fix someone. "I can't fix him. I tried," she said. (via Us Weekly).

The dark road Eilish took when she gave up dancing

There was a time in her life during which Billie Eilish danced. She danced for 12 hours a week until she tore a plate in her hip when she was just 13 (via Us Weekly and New York Post). "It was the most depressing year of her life," Eilish recounts in the documentary. "I just laid in bed." The next couple of years were rough on her, too. "I was, like, 14-15. I had razors hidden in places, and I had Band-Aids hidden in the little corner of my room. And I always had Band-Aids on my wrists. I was literally locking myself in the bathroom and making myself bleed 'cause I thought I deserved it," she said. 

It's not the only time in her life that the young artist has had to confront depression. In 2018, Eilish should have been at the top of the world. But instead, fame made her "so unhappy, and I was so, like, joyless." As she told The Gayle King Grammy Special, "I don't want to be dark, but I genuinely didn't think I would make it to 17" (via Teen Vogue).

Eilish is in a better place, now. That's partly to do with her support system. Should we let you in on another, beautiful, unexpected gem we got out of her documentary? Billie Eilish and her family love each other, a whole hell of a lot.  

If you or anyone you know is having suicidal thoughts, please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline​ at​ 1-800-273-TALK (8255)​.