Michaela Boehm Reveals The One Thing Couples Get Wrong About Chemistry - Exclusive

For some reason, mainstream media has always shied away from talking about sexuality and sexual health. Why is that? Well, never fear — the Goop team is on it.

In 2008, Gwyneth Paltrow began sharing with the world her views on health and wellness, and "Goop" was born. It's evolved over the years to include everything from fashion to sexual health, but Paltrow hasn't been at her project alone. Indeed, the actress-turned-influencer has confided in a panel of experts to help make her goals a reality, some of whom were featured on her Netflix series "The Goop Lab." 

The List had the chance to sit down with Michaela Boehm, one of the featured experts on "Sex, Love & goop" who has worked with Gwyneth Paltrow for many years. An expert in all things intimacy and sexuality, Michaela shared some of her secrets exclusively with The List on couples and chemistry.

Intimacy expert Michaela Boehm thought life was leading her towards the medical field

Michaela Boehm and Gwyneth Paltrow bonded over their shared experiences and discussions over everything from sexual health and relationships to feminism. "We've known each other obviously before the show and I admire her tremendously, not only as a business woman, but as a woman and as a human who is just willing to kind of go places and really bring the passion she has for things and what she's about like her mission into the world," Boehm told The List. She further explained that the entire experience of working with Paltrow was "incredibly beautiful." 

As for Boehm's experience, she grew up believing she would end up being a doctor. She always knew she wanted to help people, but she never truly understood to what extent she would do that — until she got older. "I decided to essentially work with people's minds and I was very interested in embodiment at an early age," she explained. "I was very much into somatics and how the body and the mind worked together and how to support growth in humans holistically. So that's how I entered into the world of what I'm doing now." She even revealed that she has done over 30,000 hours of one-on-one counseling throughout her career.

Needless to say, she knows her stuff.

Boehm compares learning about relationships to learning how to golf

In an episode of "Sex, Love & goop," Michaela Boehm explains that understanding how relationships work requires a certain set of skills, which is not unlike learning how to golf, for example. Therefore, like golf, becoming proficient in relationships simply takes practice and repetition. "If you want to become a golf legend, you need to have a golf pro look at your swing and make sure that you are actually having a form that can be imprinted and that can be learned for success, instead of habitually repeating things that become habits that are actually not good for you," Boehm explained.

According to Boehm, one of the most commonly misunderstood areas of her work surrounds the idea of chemistry. She explained that she has clients coming in all the time who believe that their relationship must be over because the "spark" is gone — but if you ask Boehm, this is actually a pivotal moment of a relationship that nearly everyone will experience.

Here's what Boehm wants you to understand about relationship chemistry

Michaela Boehm told us that it's a huge "pet peeve" of hers when "people automatically assume that when the chemistry wanes [...] when the spark goes, the relationship is doomed." Although it sounds a bit controversial, Boehm admits, signs of the chemistry waning is actually "a sign of the relationship progressing positively."

She told us that while sometimes a waning relationship can symbolize an inevitable dissolution of the couple, in many cases, it can actually be a good sign. "Sometimes a relationship degrades and goes away, right? But in a healthy, normal way that people develop, they get a certain kind of a closeness. And when they get that closeness and that commonality, that makes the relationship good, that's when the sexual attraction, hopefully, temporarily wanes." Boehm added that while you shouldn't freak out about a noticeable change in passion, there is still work to be done if you reach this point in your relationship. "When the spark is gone, that is not necessarily the death sentence of the relationship. And it's also not the moment to just get complacent. It's the moment where you have the opportunity to really deepen your relationship on a whole other level."

Indeed, in the end, a happy relationship consists of commonalities, and not necessarily a constant fiery passion. "The more common values, interests, friends, ideas, location you have, the better your relationship will develop including communication," Boehm says.

"Sex, Love & goop" is available on Netflix.