Habits That Boost Your Attractiveness, According To Experts
Most humans have a deep yearning to attract others into their lives. Attraction helps us meet new partners and form new friendships, and it's perfectly normal to want to boost your authentic attractiveness to improve your chances of bringing the right people into your life. Who we deem attractive is highly individualized because it is influenced by a range of factors, including gender and culture, and researchers continually seek to define ideal attractiveness and try to quantify it.
Most of the traits that can up one's attractiveness are actually signs that a person is emotionally regulated with good boundaries, and these markers are automatic attractors. "We are very attracted to positive mental health, and want to have it, be around it, have it rub off on us, and feel it inside," psychoanalyst Claudia Luiz exclusively told The List. After taking stock of your emotions, thoughts, and outlook on life, consider adopting some of the following habits into your life to boost your attractiveness.
Exercising your curiosity
Curious people are looking for new ways to examine and experience the world, which signals intelligence and confidence in acknowledging what you don't know. It's no wonder that humans find that engagement with the world interesting and appealing. Marriage and family therapist Carole Cullen told The List that curiosity is an endearing quality that attracts us. "When someone demonstrates curiosity, they show a genuine interest in understanding and learning about others," Cullen explained. "This active engagement creates a sense of connection and signals that they value the other person's thoughts, feelings, and experiences."
Taking steps to boost your curiosity can feel breathe new life into a tired routine and be the jumpstart you need to attract others into your life. Broaden your reading interests as widely as possible and try looking through books at a physical bookstore to help you visualize the breadth of knowledge that is available, Psychology Today suggests. Consult with others who can have deep conversations about topics you would like to learn more about and don't be afraid to ask "dumb" questions to open yourself up to the vulnerability of learning.
Exercising your body
The benefits of exercise for your general health cannot be overstated, but exercising can also attract others to you. Regular exercise requires a vigorous mentality and a dedication to self that humans are drawn to. Researchers even found that we assign a higher self-perceived mate value to ourselves when we exercise frequently — a sign that exercise improves our confidence in the ability to attract others.
If you're already a frequent exerciser, try working out around others at a busy outdoor trail or group fitness class. You can also try a new type of exercise that you've been contemplating, which will expand your curiosity and refresh your old routine and social circle. When you attract others through exercising, you're more likely to attract like-minded individuals who prioritize exercise and can complement your current lifestyle.
If you don't presently exercise, the best approach to getting started with short sessions. Walking is best for beginners, and just 10 minutes a day is enough to positively impact your health. When you need a challenge, you can incorporate dynamic exercises like running, calisthenics, or jumping rope. Experts have determined that less than 20 minutes of vigorous exercise per week, broken up into bouts as small as two minutes, can improve overall health and lower mortality risk. Start these small habits on your own and when you're feeling confident, take your workouts to a public venue to attract others to your lifestyle.
Laughing often
Have you ever seen a person laughing and suddenly you can't help but smile? Seeing someone laugh has a strong psychological effect on us because laughter bonds us to others and eases conflicts and stress, so it's no surprise that we find it alluring when we witness it. According to the Mayo Clinic, the deep intake of oxygen when laughing can stimulate your body, and the act of laughing can improve circulation and leave you feeling relaxed afterward, which leaves us looking refreshed, at ease, and approachable.
In one study published in "Evolution and Human Behavior," researchers found that women prefer humor and receptivity to humor in all of their relationships, whether romantic or platonic. On the other hand, men did not show a preference for their partner having humor, but they preferred women to be receptive to their humor — meaning men may apparently find you more attractive when you laugh at their jokes.
Finding humor in life is a skill that can be developed with thoughtful habits. If you need to boost your laughter frequency, expose yourself to funny content more often. Prioritize spending time with your funniest friends and set aside time every day to laugh at something you find funny, such as your pets at playtime, a stand-up comedy special, or social media videos.
Hanging out with other people
Hanging out in bigger groups can improve your attractiveness and there are several reasons this may work for you. In 2013, researchers found that individuals in groups were rated as more attractive than individuals who were alone. As part of their study, researchers were testing the "cheerleader effect" — the idea that individuals seem more attractive when observed in a group because our looks are averaged out among the group, and our flaws aren't as noticeable.
Spending time in groups also signals to others that we have strong social skills, such as communication, and a desire to connect with others. "Being social allows for shared experiences, laughter, and bonding, all of which contribute to a sense of belonging and attractiveness" psychologist and mental health expert Satadeepa Som told The List. Som continued, saying, "It also shows that you value and prioritize relationships, making you more appealing as a friend, partner, or colleague."
If you desire to hang out in larger groups, consider starting a group that meets regularly, such as a book club, weekly dance class, or karaoke gang. If you're not into hosting, join an existing group that matches the vibe you are seeking. Because you never know — joining the bouldering group at the climbing gym or the Sunday brunch bunch may be the unexpected key to adding to your appeal.
Making wise financial decisions
If you've been debating opening that high-yield savings account, IRA, or paying off your credit card debt, it may help to know that taking better care of your financial health is an attractive habit. Researchers at Civic Science found that people who believe they possess above-average attractiveness also reported that they save and manage their money well and watch overall economic trends in the world.
It might feel overwhelming when you think about improving your financial health, but start with the simple act of budgeting your money, divorce attorney Laura Wasser recommended to The List. Struggling with your finances is the opposite of attractiveness, and Wasser has decades of experience working with clients whose marriages fell apart due to poor financial habits. "One habit that can lead to financial security is budgeting," Wasser advised. "Regularly reviewing your income, expenses, and savings goals can help ensure that you're living within your means and planning for the future," she added.
Clint Proctor, Forbes advisor and editor-in-chief at Investor Junkie, told The List that creating multiple revenue streams can be the key to boosting your attractiveness to other proactive wealth-builders. "By diversifying your sources of income, such as through investments, side hustles, or freelance work, you can increase your financial stability and showcase your ambition and drive," he said.
Taking healthy risks
There may be an evolutionary reason why some of us find ourselves attracted to people who like to hang from the side of a cliff or ski down a black diamond. It can be appealing to watch someone partake in risky behavior, and some scientists believe it's related to our evolutionary preferences in choosing a mate. In a 2014 study, researchers discovered that we are more attracted to hunter-gatherer risk-taking (e.g., managing animals) rather than risks that are associated with the modern world (e.g., driving fast).
Dr. Kate Cummins, licensed clinical psychologist, told The List that taking risks is attractive because it shows a person who is unafraid of change and has little fear of failure or rejection, which can be perceived as confidence. If you're not much of a risk-taker right now, you can start small. "This can look like purchasing a new food, investing small in a different type of investment than you're used to, taking a new way home from work, and setting a travel destination for a place you've never been before," Cummins explained.
Once you're feeling more confident, you can level up to something more challenging like learning an instrument or a new sport. It shouldn't take long to attract someone who enjoys watching you put yourself out there and change into something new.
Playing up certain facial features
Research in attraction is often based on the study of the face and facial features, which have historically played a large role in attraction. Researchers have learned that humans are most attracted to cheekbones, eyes, and a person's smile, so playing up those features can be an easy way to make yourself more attractive. For a quick boost in attractiveness, you may want to consider contouring these areas with makeup.
However, esthetician and skin care consultant Shelley Hancock told The List that it is what's underneath the makeup that counts the most. You can pull off a much more attractive subtle look or no-makeup look by focusing on your skin care routine and quality. "Your face is the canvas of your makeup – the more you take care of it, the more comfortable you will be to try experimenting with lighter makeup," encouraged Hancock.
Before you overindulge in creams and serums, keep in mind that you can often create a solid skin care routine that doesn't break the bank. "Quality doesn't always mean more expensive," Hancock told us. "Sometimes it means swapping a pricey moisturizer for a dermatologist-tested product that will be less irritating to the skin due to less fragrance and alcohol."
Wearing a color that feels good
Color can have an effect on attraction, but there's no consensus on the singular most attractive color to wear, although study results have shown blue, red, and black are safe bets. If you like to use pops of color in your wardrobe, it's helpful to know which colors look best with your skin tone or to have your own special go-to color that always helps you feel confident.
Beyond picking a great color, focus on being your truest self. Authenticity is attractive to others, and it's important to pursue that trait when you choose how to present yourself to the world. Celeb stylist Ali Levine advised wearing what feels right because whatever attracts our own energy will, in turn, magnetize others. "Our clothing is always giving a statement," Levine told us. "When we love how we feel in something, we literally send a signal: 'I feel good in this, I feel beautiful, I feel worthy,'" Levine said.
Building your confidence
In group settings, leaders naturally emerge — typically people who exude an assuredness and sense of direction. Research shows that humans are attracted to confidence, perhaps because we are looking for competent partners who help us feel safe. Psychologist Satadeepa Som told The List that confident people draw us to them simply by being self-assured. "Confidence can be contagious, inspiring others to feel more secure and comfortable around you," Som said. "It also suggests that you are capable and likely to handle various situations with ease, making you an appealing and reliable partner or friend."
Luckily, confidence is an attitude that can be adopted and improved by practicing mindful habits. When we become more confident, we are more resilient, we perform better in all aspects of life, and we tend to have healthier relationships, according to Verywell Mind. Surround yourself with other positive and confident people but resist the urge to compare yourself to others, which can chip away at your confidence. Part of being confident is knowing that you have your own unique traits and skills to offer to the world.
Confidence begins in your own mind, so eliminate negative self-talk and speak kindly to yourself instead. It's also important to regularly participate in activities where you excel so that you can experience yourself in a positive light. Strong boundaries and intentional personal goals are also crucial to the confidence-building journey because these concepts outline your purpose and how you want to move through the world.
Showing your happiness
A true partner or friend will be there for you through thick and thin, but we tend to first attract others during the good times because we love witnessing happiness. We are wired to survive, so the attitude of "everything is gonna be all right" is irresistible to us.
Writer and registered nurse Nancy Mitchell told The List that people don't often talk about this, but being attracted to happy people is about learning from others. "Spending time around people who seem happy or know how to make the best of any moment is an opportunity for them to learn to live similarly," Mitchell explained to us. She continued, saying, "The hope is that being around happy people will teach you how to be happy yourself." Indeed, happiness has essentially been proven to be infectious. "Everyday interactions we have with other people are definitely contagious, in terms of happiness," Nicholas Christakis, a professor at Harvard Medical School and an author of a study on the subject, told NPR.
Owning and caring for a dog
If you've been thinking about adding a dog to your family, this might be your sign. Owning and caring for a dog can make you more attractive to others by boosting your approachability when you are out and about with your furry friend. But having a dog can require almost as much dedication as a family, and dog owners tend to attract potential partners who aren't afraid of the strong commitment that others associate with being a dog owner, according to the Independent.
"Owning a pet makes you more attractive because it showcases qualities such as responsibility, compassion, and a nurturing nature," certified mental health expert Adina Mahalli told us. "Additionally, owning a pet often requires establishing routines, showing patience, and practicing empathy, all of which are attractive qualities." Even if you don't end up attracting anyone, the act of caring for a pet companion can make you a happier, less stressful person in the long run, so consider pet ownership a possible win-win.
Leading with kindness
While physical traits are often at the center of the attraction conversation, research has shown that kindness is also imperative. But nice guys finish last, right? Well, not exactly. A 2003 study exploring that phenomenon found that, regardless of gender, niceness was the most important factor when looking for a serious partner, which means it's more likely that you will attract a long-term relationship if you practice the habit of being nice.
Counselor Ian Stockbridge told The List that genuinely nice people show others their inner qualities of empathy and emotional intelligence and they demonstrate their ability to put others' needs ahead of their own. "People are naturally drawn to those who exhibit these qualities because they feel safe and valued in their presence," he revealed.
To have your kindness show through, focus on honesty, respect, open-mindedness, and politeness when interacting with others, advises Verywell Mind. In your alone time, forgive others and journal your gratitude for life's blessings to improve your ability to be nice to others.
Caring for yourself first and foremost
Attracting others may happen more easily when you prioritize putting yourself first. Start by practicing self-care. Relationship expert and licensed specialist clinical social worker Linda Stiles told The List that self-care is the gift that keeps on giving. "Other healthy people tend to see someone who values self-care as attractive because it underscores that we are worth care and good treatment, and we have a solid sense of self," Stiles said. The common thread that weaves physical and mental well-being together is putting intentional love and effort toward yourself.
If you want to become more irresistible to others, take that time to love yourself the most without feeling guilty or pushing it to the back burner. It will require you to carve out time in your schedule for yourself and hold yourself to it. Basic self-care — like exercising and grooming — is especially appealing to others. "These self-care features are attractive because they indicate how we are managing our health and well-being, which demonstrates our potential value as a partner and mate," psychologist Jeremy Nicholson told Reader's Digest.