Neil Patrick Harris' Tragic Real-Life Story Explained

Childhood success is rarely translated into a long-lasting career in Hollywood. Some young actors struggle with the pressures of fame and disappear from the business — as we've seen with many child stars who ditched Hollywood for surprisingly normal jobs. When it comes to Neil Patrick Harris, though, he falls outside the norm.

Harris, who's lovingly been dubbed NPH, got his big break at age 13 when he landed a leading movie role opposite the legendary Whoopi Goldberg in "Clara's Heart." He was living in a small town in New Mexico at the time and his parents, who were both lawyers, knew nothing about the film industry. Even so, they soon packed up life and moved to Los Angeles so Harris could pursue his passion whole-heartedly.

Luckily, the gamble paid off and 15-year-old Harris snagged his first leading TV role in 1989's "Doogie Howser, M.D." Over the next three decades, the stunning transformation of Neil Patrick Harris continued as he morphed from a successful child star into an Emmy and Tony-nominated actor. However, despite all of his successes, life hasn't always been smooth sailing for Harris. This is your look inside Neil Patrick Harris' tragic real-life story.

Neil Patrick Harris spent much of his childhood growing up in a setting that was the complete opposite of Hollywood. From a young age, he loved being creative, but living in Ruidoso, New Mexico, a small town with under 8,000 inhabitants, didn't make pursuing that passion easy. "There were not a lot of artistic outlets aside from howling coyote paintings and making bolo ties," Harris joked in a 2021 interview with The Guardian.

Even so, he made the most of what he had, landing his first stage role in elementary school, playing Toto in "The Wizard of Oz." He also sang in the church choir, joined a band, and started directing plays at the community theater when he was just 10 years old. However, as Harris shared with The Guardian, he could never perform the way he wanted to. "There was really no opportunity to act on any level except at the country club, where they would put up a weird play twice a year," he recalled.

It wasn't until Harris' choir director suggested he sign up for New Mexico State University's drama camp during the summer that everything changed. The camp was helmed by playwright Mark Medoff who ultimately cast a then-13-year-old Harris in "Clara's Heart" opposite Whoopi Goldberg. As he once told Variety, "It was a really pivotal chapter in my upbringing."

He didn't have to wait long for his big break, but even so, Neil Patrick Harris doubted his calling. Despite earning a Golden Globe nomination for his first-ever role in "Clara's Heart," Harris struggled with insecurities, questioning his own talent, and fearing he'd soon lose his dream career. "I was, I think, very worried that I would never get to act again," he shared with The Telegraph. "There's usually another shoe to drop: 'This is good, but not as good as the last thing you did.'"

Those doubts continued, even after a 15-year-old Harris managed to follow up his big screen debut with the lead role in 1989's "Doogie Howser, M.D." Soon, he became a household name and that newfound fame gave way to a new slew of worries about how people might perceive him. "I didn't have 100% anonymity when I walked around in those years where I felt most awkward," he told NPR. "Through puberty, in my late teens where I had big ears and acne and an Adam's apple." The young star became overly conscious of how he looked but also, as he revealed, how he walked. "I was hyperaware of how I came across because I didn't want to be overly effeminate," he admitted.

Neil Patrick Harris began dating actor and chef David Burtka in 2004, however, it would be a while before they went public with their relationship. Harris hadn't openly addressed his sexuality up until that point and may have kept his romance a secret for years to come if not for Perez Hilton. In 2006, the celebrity blogger began pressuring several celebrities to publicly come out. In the case of Harris, he posted images of him and Burtka together and tried to entice former flames to come forward and talk about their time with the actor. Ultimately, a 33-year-old Harris was forced to speak his truth in order to take back the narrative and told People, "I am happy to dispel any rumors or misconceptions and am quite proud to say that I am a very content gay man living my life to the fullest."

The timing may not have been of his choosing, but as he later shared with NPR, it worked out. "I was very much in love with [Burtka], and it started to seem uncomfortable to not recognize him," he recalled. As for why it took him so long to open up about his personal life, he assured he wasn't hiding his true self, but rather, he was thinking about his acting. "I had no stigma in my own world or shame about who I was," Harris shared. Instead, he explained, he was of the belief that being a good actor involves "keeping a large portion of yourself [private] so that I could play all sorts of different roles."

Neil Patrick Harris was essentially forced to come out publicly in 2006 following mounting pressure from Perez Hilton and, as he told Ellen DeGeneres the following year, it was an uncomfortable situation to be in. "I sort of sensed this witch-hunt brewing," he mused. "If someone doesn't want to talk about stuff or if someone has reason that they don't want to, I don't think they need to be criticized and chastised."

That may be so, but it didn't stop critics from piling on an already sensitive situation. Some folks believed that Harris waited too long to come out or that he was ashamed of his sexuality. "The Internet stuff threw me for a loop because I didn't understand where the vitriol was coming from," he told Out Magazine in 2008. Unfortunately, within that same interview, he brought even more criticism upon himself. When asked if he was okay with being a role model in the LGBTQ+ community, Harris mused, "I'm striving to be an example of normalcy." He was referring to being in a monogamous relationship and starting a family, but that's not the way his comments were received. Again, Harris was criticized over his approach to his own sexuality and he was still being asked about that quote years later. "People were bothered by that use of the word 'normal,'" he conceded to The Guardian in 2021.

He may come across as fun and easy-going, but Neil Patrick Harris has had his share of Hollywood feuds. Despite sharing an agent and being close as teens, Mayim Bialik and Neil Patrick Harris reportedly aren't friends anymore because of a spat that occurred back in 1997. As Bialik recalled on "The Late Late Show with James Corden" in 2021, it all started when she went to watch Harris perform in "Rent," despite not being a fan of musicals. Unfortunately, he didn't do much to change her mind and when the audience got up for a standing ovation, she refused to join, turning to her boyfriend and asserting she wouldn't stand up. Harris, of course, witnessed her refusal.

"When I went backstage to say hi to him, he said — I kid you not — 'Why did you say you weren't going to stand up?'" Bialik recalled. "We didn't speak for a long time." Interestingly, Harris dispelled talk of a feud after the interview aired, tweeting, "Mayim Bialik and I have been friends for over 30 years."

The same couldn't be said of Harris' animosity toward another fellow child star, the late Dustin Diamond. The duo acted together in 1988's "Purple People Eater" and years later, Diamond used his 2009 memoir, "Behind the Bell," to allege that Harris had a secret sexual relationship with his "Saved by the Bell" costar, Ed Alonzo. "They were inseparable, going away to perform magic together," Diamond wrote. Harris eventually responded in his own 2014 memoir, "Choose Your Own Autobiography." "It's a completely false story that propagates a vicious lie to the grand total of twenty-three people who buy his book," he slammed.

In 2015, Neil Patrick Harris made history as the first openly gay man to host the Academy Awards. Unfortunately, his selection only elicited a lukewarm reaction with The Atlantic noting he'd already hosted the Tonys and Emmys and asking, "Do people need to see Harris helm an awards show for a sixth time?" The answer appeared to be no as Harris' performance on Oscar night was ripped apart. The press was less than kind to NPH with Bustle calling the evening "utterly snooze-worthy" and The Guardian proclaiming, "The song-and-dance man failed to hit the mark with gags that fell flat and awkward interactions with the audience."

Viewers agreed and let their opinions be known online. Harris was criticized on social media for everything from mispronouncing David Oyelowo's name to making overly sexualized jokes about Reese Witherspoon. However, perhaps the most polarizing moment came when Harris joked about filmmaker Dana Perry's dress right after her acceptance speech in which she spoke about her son who died by suicide.

For Harris' part, he was blissfully unaware of the backlash until it was too late to do anything about it. "I thought the show went really well," he told The Telegraph. "During the commercial breaks, everyone was so lovely." It wasn't until he looked on social media the following morning that he realized how wrong he'd been. "I was bummed for about a week, but you live and you learn," he concluded.

Neil Patrick Harris has been busy since "HIMYM" came to an end in 2014, performing on Broadway, starring in Netflix's adaptation of "A Series of Unfortunate Events," and more. He's also been making plenty of time for his family. As it turns out, NPH and David Burtka keep their marriage strong through communication, couples therapy, and plenty of travel. Over the years, Harris and Burtka have repeatedly traveled to Croatia to soak up the sun, but one such getaway nearly turned tragic when the actor had a freak accident.

In August 2019, Harris posted videos of him and Burtka swimming in Croatia's crystal-clear waters with their two kids, Harper Grace and Gideon Scott. What the actor didn't realize at the time, though, was that a seemingly harmless stumble would land him in the ER months later. That October, Harris posted a hospital selfie to Instagram, sharing, "I tripped and hand planted onto a sea urchin almost two months ago while climbing rocky cliffs in Croatia." While he had removed most of the sharp spines himself, two dug their way in deep with one actually piercing his tendon. The wound became infected and eventually required serious medical attention. As Healthline notes, sea urchins may seem harmless but their spines can burrow into the skin and damage tissue, bones, and nerves. However, despite the trauma, Harris wasn't put off Croatia and returned promptly in 2020 and 2021.

Neil Patrick Harris and David Burtka are big-time dog lovers. In 2020, the actor even told People that it was their rescue pups, Gidget and Spike, who helped the family get through the toughest moments of the COVID-19 lockdown. "Having these sweet dogs that are able to cuddle with you and give you unconditional love is important," he shared. And so, that December, the couple decided to add one more pooch to the mix, welcoming golden retriever puppy Ella into their home. However, Harris and his brood experienced major heartbreak in July 2024 when 4-year-old Ella died suddenly in a tragic accident.

Harris shared the news with fans in his Wondercade newsletter, explaining that a family friend who was dogsitting found Ella unresponsive in their front yard. "It seems like a tree branch had somehow gotten caught in her collar, and in trying to get it free, she rolled around on the ground and it wrapped around her neck," Harris wrote. The news came as a complete shock to the family, not only because of the strange nature of the incident but also because of how young Ella was. "It was the freakest of accidents," Harris noted. "I've never heard of anything like it before in my life."

Even after over two decades since they first started dating, Neil Patrick Harris' relationship with David Burtka is as strong as ever. The duo started out as friends after randomly meeting on the street in 2004, but their instant connection soon turned romantic. Harris and Burtka then went public with their relationship in 2007, welcomed twins Harper Grace and Gideon Scott via surrogate in 2010, and tied the knot in 2014. "I'm simply amazed by this awesome man," Harris gushed on Instagram in 2021. "David is the glue that holds our family together."

That unshakeable bond must have made it all the more difficult for Harris to watch his partner undergo major surgery. In February 2021, Burtka had spinal surgery at NewYork-Presbyterian hospital which lasted over nine hours and involved three fusions. Describing the experience of waiting for his husband to come out of the operating room, Harris wrote on Instagram, "It's one of the scarier, more hopeless feelings — hoping for the best, trying not to fear the worst, waiting a call with news." Luckily, everything went well and Burtka had a full recovery.