Pete Hegseth Probably Doesn't Want You To See These Photos Of Him

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Former Fox News host Pete Hegseth is a paranoid person. His decision to ice out the press from two briefings may be further proof of this. According to the Washington Post, Hegseth barred photographers after he was unhappy with the photos they were taking, believing they were "unflattering." Hegseth puts a lot of value in looks. The secretary of defense reportedly had a briefing room at the Pentagon retrofitted to be a makeup studio so he can look TV ready, and there are rumors of Botox injections to smooth out his wrinkles. A source has even told the Daily Mail that "He's obsessed with his body and now he wants to create the entire military in his image."

Hegseth, who has a litany of brutal nicknames, is clearly concerned about how he comes off on TV and in articles. With '80s action movie lines such as "we're playing for keeps," and "They are toast and they know it" (via U.S. Department of Defense), he clearly "revels in machismo" as the Economist put it. Now Hegseth isn't happy that there are so many photographs of him that may not make him look as macho as he wants to be seen. Specifically these photos, where the man who proudly said he hasn't washed his hands in a decade looks less than manly.

Looking as excited as a child who got a Nintendo Switch on their birthday, Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth would almost certainly want this photo erased from existence. The open oval mouth and the spot of hair rising up in the back of his head like Alfalfa from "The Little Rascals" gives the whole picture an off, immature vibe.

It doesn't help that special envoy to the Middle East Steve Witkoff looks like he's embarrassed to be standing next to Hegseth. There is nothing in the picture that creates a sense of dignity, let alone the essence of manliness that Hegseth wants to be seen as. This kind of pic is bound to get a press pool photographer some mean looks in the future.

While most people will never answer questions from a podium while the president daydreams in the background, this photo has a vibe many are familiar with: being trapped in line at Chipotle while someone takes way too long to make their order. It almost looks like Donald Trump is absentmindedly waiting his turn at the counter as Pete Hegseth gets excited about adding the limited-time-only chicken al pastor to his burrito.

The secretary of defense once again shows off his "oh face" here, which doesn't imbue his style with a sense of confidence. Trump's emotionless expression, even out of focus, also suggests that whatever Hegseth is saying isn't interesting, or that he at least can't keep the room's attention.

Showing up at a SpaceX event, Pete Hegseth tried to show off his geek credentials by giving out the famous Vulcan salute from "Star Trek." While the secretary of defense got the hand position right, he seems to miss the meaning of it and the meaning of the franchise it comes from.

While Hegseth is openly against diversity, saying (via Reuters) "I think the single dumbest phrase in military history is 'our diversity is our strength,'" that is what "Star Trek" is all about. As Captain Kirk famously says in the classic episode "Plato's Stepchildren" (via YouTube), "Where I come from, size, shape, or color makes no difference." "Star Trek" is the antithesis of Hegseth's warrior ethos. If misunderstanding the basic tenet of "Star Trek" isn't enough, standing next to the always cringey Elon Musk isn't a good look either.

Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth grew up in Forest Lake, Minnesota, went to Princeton, and became publisher of the Princeton Tory. At the Princeton Tory, per Politico, he promised to "defend the pillars of Western civilization against the distractions of diversity" before complaining about Halle Berry's Oscar acceptance speech and the New York Times printing gay marriage announcements. After serving in the Iraq war, he moved to Manhattan.

All of this may be why Hegseth looks so uncomfortable dressed up in a cowboy hat. It isn't a style he grew up with, or really around. Here, he looks more like someone ready for their big moment in a high school production of "Oklahoma!"

With his hands balled up into fists and his mouth as wide open as it can get, Pete Hegseth appears to be pretty passionate about what he's saying in this photo. However, one aspect of his expression gives away the truth: his eyes. They make it clear he's putting on a show for an audience he desperately wants to garner the respect of.

This moment happened when the secretary of defense spoke before military leaders at Quantico, where he railed against everything from women serving in the military to "beardos." Reviews of the speech, collected by The Guardian, called the event "egotistical." One veteran pointed out that bringing over 800 generals and senior members of the military together in one spot is dangerous, saying "A bad cold could have threatened our entire chain of command." What was supposed to be a big day for Hegseth ended up making him look out of his element.

On this day, Pete Hegseth made sure to include his American flag pocket square. Of course, wearing it goes against U.S. Flag Code 4 – §8 (d), which states "The flag should never be used as wearing apparel, bedding, or drapery." Luckily for the secretary of defense, the face he makes in this photo likely kept anyone from noticing his improper accoutrement.

With a scrunched up visage, Hegseth looks like someone suffering the type of intestinal issues that come from eating too much dairy and not enough roughage. Hegseth may need some pointers on forming healthy eating habits to avoid more pics like this one.

Donald Trump's State of the Union speeches are famously long. His 2026 address came in at a whopping 1 hour and 47 minutes, making it the longest in history. A speech that long can be hard to sit through. Luckily for Pete Hegseth, Representative Jimmy Patronis brought the secretary of defense a toy to keep him occupied.

The photo of Hegseth holding the toy — a miniature model of the fighters the U.S. Navy's Blue Angels fly — makes him look like an average 8 year old boy on the playground. It doesn't help that the photo is taken from a high angle, making Hegseth look small, which would likely upset him. Perhaps Hegseth will make Congressman Patronis take a time out from the briefing room, too.

Younger children tend to go overboard when they smile for school picture day. That seems to be what happened to Pete Hegseth here. The big eyes and toothy grin look almost painful, as if he's straining to hold the pose.

Once again, his eyes give the secretary of defense away. Hegseth may need to sit down with Tyra Banks and learn how to "smize" so he can avoid more awkward photos like this one. In the meantime, he just has to tell news photographers to avoid taking his picture when he smiles. Otherwise, he may kick them out of his press briefings.

One of the stranger issues a number of MAGA, GOP, and conservative personalities worry about is using straws. Representative Tim Burchett told Fox News that he won't use straws because "That's what the women in my house do." This concept apparently started when Fox's own Jesse Watters said that using a straw was "very effeminate" (via Independent).

With a desire to be seen as macho at all times, it seems that Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth took this rule to heart, but failed to realize that drinking straight from the bottle can lead to some odd-looking photos. Maybe he can get some Lithos Outfitters Reusable Camo Straws. That should make it okay to use one, right?