Signs In Tori Spelling And Dean McDermott's Marriage That Spelled Trouble All Along
For the past two decades, Tori Spelling and Dean McDermott's marriage has been a seemingly neverending circus. In an age when oversharing on social media is rife, these two would make even the most selfie-obsessed celebs recoil. Throughout their whirlwind marriage, Spelling and McDermott have endured intense feuds, NSFW dilemmas, and multiple cheating scandals — all of which have been documented for the consumption of curious fans the world over. But these issues reached a tipping point in 2024.
As friends expressed their concerns over Spelling's increasingly worrying behavior, including a crying session in her car after a meeting with McDermott, the "Beverly Hills 90210" icon finally announced what everyone saw coming. After 18 years together, she and McDermott are getting a divorce. In true Tori style, she filed for divorce on the debut episode of her podcast "misSPELLING," announcing the news to her listeners as well as her presumably aghast hubby, who was at work at the time. "I have to call him right now," Spelling lamented as she plucked up the courage to leave her ex a voice message. "He's at work. He's at work, you guys. This sucks."
As Spelling and McDermott's post-divorce moments reach their messy pinnacle, let's take a look at where it all went wrong. These are the signs in Tori Spelling and Dean McDermott's marriage that spelled trouble all along.
Tori Spelling and Dean McDermott's relationship started as an affair
Tori Spelling has a colorful romantic past, and that includes Dean McDermott. Spelling and McDermott met on the set of "Mind over Murder" in 2005. At the time, Spelling was newly married to Charlie Shanian. Meanwhile, McDermott had been married to Mary Jo Eustace since 1993. During filming, Spelling and McDermott embarked on an affair.
In her memoir, "sTori Telling," Spelling confessed that she didn't feel guilty over the infidelity. "The following day when I woke up next to Dean, I had no regrets," she wrote. Soon after, she came clean to Shanian, telling him that she hadn't been in love with him for the duration of their brief marriage. As for McDermott, Eustace was devastated when he told her the truth. Seeing as McDermott and Spelling had only known each other for a few weeks, she was also alarmed by the impulsive nature of her husband's new relationship. "It was terrible, especially when he said in an interview that he had never loved anybody as much as Tori," Eustace recalled to TwinCities. "The whole nature of it, it completely devalued my marriage instantly. I was obliterated."
Though there are numerous reasons people cheat in relationships, this was far from the healthiest start to Spelling and McDermott's courtship.
They married shortly after meeting
In May 2006, just 30 days after divorcing Mary Jo Eustace, Dean McDermott tied the knot with Tori Spelling. "We didn't want to wait another day to get married," Spelling told People at the time (via New York Post). McDermott was similarly giddy, announcing, "I've never had as much desire to get married and make a woman my wife as I've had with her. The feeling is overwhelming. We're soul mates."
Rushing into marriage may not be the best idea for some people. According to Psychology Today, many couples mistake passion for love and subsequently rush to take things to the next level, overlooking red flags along the way. Unfortunately for McDermott and Spelling, the red flags were glaring.
A month after their nuptials, the twosome were already generating headlines, with Eustace alleging that she was thrown out of the MuchMusic Video Awards afterparty at the request of an uneasy Spelling. The "90210" star made matters worse by seemingly throwing some serious shade at her husband's ex-wife. Regarding her plans to have several children with McDermott, Spelling declared, "When you have a young wife, they can actually have more children because they start younger. I'm young and virile. I can handle it" (via CBS News). The apparent barb towards Eustace, who is 15 years Spelling's senior, was particularly cutting considering that she and McDermott were in the process of adopting a daughter when he left her.
Their relationship was 'never the same' after they had children
Together, Tori Spelling and Dean McDermott have five kids: Liam, Stella, Hattie, Finn, and Beau. Keen on starting a family as quickly as possible, Spelling became pregnant with the couple's first child soon after tying the knot in 2006, as she revealed on her "misSPELLING" podcast. Spelling's father, the famed TV producer Aaron Spelling, died just days before she conceived, something which she deemed as a sign.
But after becoming a mom, Spelling began to notice major changes in her marriage. "Honestly, our relationship was never the same after we started having kids," she said. "Like, we always said, 'We won't be those parents that change. We'll make sure we make our relationship a priority ... and we have date nights.' And just everything went out the window." She argued that McDermott emotionally neglected the children while she, in turn, neglected him, becoming hyperfocused on her children.
However, she noted that her supposed preoccupation with her children didn't justify his problematic behavior. "I'm not minimizing his part in his," she explained, "and how his lack of sobriety did affect me and the kids for years and years and years. ... I'm really happy that he's sober now, but our relationship definitely changed to point where I felt like I was just in this alone with the kids."
Tori Spelling and Dean McDermott had some heated arguments
By April 2010, Tori Spelling and Dean McDermott were already facing divorce rumors. On their reality show, "Tori & Dean: Home Sweet Hollywood," the couple was seen having heated arguments. During one such confrontation, Spelling accused her husband of appearing unbothered about securing work. "It's pilot season right now, babe. You're not even trying!" Spelling yelled in one episode, to which McDermott responded with expletives.
Despite the intense exchange, Spelling insisted that divorce was not in the cards. "You know, the tabloids make it extreme," she told Today. "We're not headed for divorce; we're committed to each other. We're committed to this family. But, you know, we work on things just like everyone else."
However, it has since transpired that these arguments were a regular occurrence. Opening up on her podcast, "misSPELLING," (25:30) in 2024, Spelling acknowledged, "There were definitely red flags, and he had anger issues and that started when we were dating, like four months in." She suggested that McDermott was not sufficiently prepared for her larger-than-life persona and she thus had to suppress her authentic self to protect his ego.
Facing rumors that their marriage was in trouble, the couple renewed their vows
Following the claims of discord in the family home, Tori Spelling and Dean McDermott decided to renew their wedding vows. "This is a rebirth," Spelling told Us Weekly in May 2010. "We've gone through our ups and downs, but we wouldn't have changed a moment of it." It was a bittersweet ceremony, as Spelling was also reunited with her estranged mom, Candy, who had previously accused her daughter of causing her father, Aaron Spelling's, death.
While their renewal of vows may have seemed wholesome, rushing to put a ring on it (again) as a means of dealing with conflict is arguably a warning sign. According to experts who spoke about the perils of vow renewals — and its increasing popularity among celebs — to the Daily Mail, it can be somewhat of a red flag if men suggest renewing vows, possibly signifying infidelity. What's more, the whole thing is a bit like putting a band-aid on a failing marriage — without actually addressing its failures.
Indeed, the couple seems to have a propensity to say their "I dos" whenever trouble starts brewing. In 2016, McDermott once again proposed to Spelling amid growing disharmony between the pair. "Things are really great right now," Spelling told "Today" at the time (via E!). "We had to deconstruct our relationship. ... Through some fighting we've been told what life should be — what marriage should be," she added.
Dean McDermott admitted to cheating on Tori Spelling
Things reached a boiling point in 2013 when a young woman came forward alleging that she had an affair with Dean McDermott. Emily Goodhand first met McDermott, who is almost two decades her senior, when he was hosting "Chopped Canada," and the pair grew close. "He told me he and Tori had a sexless marriage," Goodhand told Us Weekly. "I believed him."
When Tori Spelling was initially told about the scoop, she could hardly believe it. "I got a call from my publicist," she recalled on her series "True Tori," "and she said 'I just want to tell you something. It's a girl and she's claiming that she had an affair with Dean in Toronto when he was there'" (via ABC News). After some interrogation, McDermott confessed that Goodhand was telling the truth.
The following year, the couple attempted to work through their issues by seeking the help of a marriage counselor, as seen on the show. "That's my worst nightmare [that] I cheated on my wife," McDermott said. "I was out of control. Sex was an escape, just like drugs or alcohol." During the session, Spelling lamented that she could never give her husband enough sex and feared that he would stray again. Appearing on the "Women on Top" podcast in 2020, Spelling said that she and McDermott worked hard to repair their marriage despite the latter's infidelity.
When Dean McDermott stopped paying his ex-wife's spousal support, Tori Spelling had to step in
In 2017, Dean McDermott's ex-wife, Mary Jo Eustace, was back in the headlines. In an interview with the Daily Mail, Eustace divulged that McDermott, who owed $100,000 in child and spousal support. "I'm disgusted and I'm humiliated," Eustace said. "So many women go through this situation where they can't get their child support and it profoundly affects their lives. So I was really strong about it and I just kept heading back into the courtroom." McDermott, who faced the prospect of going to jail over the back payments, refuted his ex's claims, telling the Daily Mail that Eustace wanted revenge on him for leaving her.
However, it appeared that Eustace was telling the truth, and eventually, Tori Spelling had to bail her husband out. Speaking to Us Weekly in 2018, Eustace revealed that Spelling stepped in just as she and McDermott were headed for an ugly legal battle. "That's when Tori reached out to me and basically said that she would be covering the alimony because Dean didn't have any money, and she would be doing it," she explained. Undoubtedly, having his wife pay for his ex's spousal support wasn't a great look on McDermott, and yet another red flag in the couple's unwaveringly messy relationship.
The couple began sleeping in separate beds
During an appearance on "Radio Andy" in 2021, Tori Spelling revealed that she and Dean McDermott were no longer sleeping in the same bed. "Right now, my kids and dogs sleep in my bed. ... He's in a room," she said. Spelling did, however, evade suggestions that this was due to the couple's relationship being on the rocks. She claimed that she simply got used to sharing her bed with her children and pets when McDermott went away for work. But that year, insiders told People that the couple was growing increasingly distant. "Things have been chilly between them," a source alleged. "Tori is trying to figure out what to do next. And she's always focused on her kids."
Two years later, McDermott uploaded, then quickly deleted, an Instagram post claiming that he and Spelling were separating. There was considerable confusion over the announcement. Some sources told Us Weekly that the pair were not calling it quits, claiming that McDermott deleted the announcement because he was filled with regret.
Meanwhile, other insiders told the Daily Mail that McDermott was sick of Spelling's supposedly media-hungry activities. "For a very long time Tori used their marital problems to stay relevant ... even going so far to go outside where she knew paparazzi were waiting holding papers that were a clear indication of a divorce," the source said. That was a very interesting admission indeed, considering what McDermott would do next.
Dean McDermott spilled the deets on the couple's relationship to a tabloid
Despite his supposed aversion to Tori Spelling oversharing the minutiae of her marriage to the press, Dean McDermott sat down with the Daily Mail in November 2023 and spilled the tea on the couple's intimacy issues. Regarding those aforementioned separate bed rumors, McDermott claimed that he stopped sleeping with Spelling because her various pets, including several dogs, a pig, and chickens, were sleeping in the bedroom. "And we know dogs have accidents and our particular dogs were having a lot," he said. "And I just couldn't deal with that anymore." This, coupled with McDermott's substance misuse issues, apparently led to a complete loss of intimacy between the two.
For Spelling, the interview was a huge betrayal and a catalyst in her decision to file for divorce in such a public manner. "I feel like I deserve to file first, then," she told her ex during a call on "misSPELLING." "You basically put it all out there with Daily Mail. Like, you said everything that you've done to me all through the years. ... Those are things that I would never have divulged to anybody and you did."
Later, she called out her ex for depicting her as a hoarder who supposedly refused to clean up her dogs' waste. Spelling claimed that one of the first things McDermott saw when he met Spelling was her suitcase soiled with dog excrement, which he was apparently fine with.
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