Kristi Noem's Disastrous Hairdos We Just Can't Put Behind Us

Kristi Noem's sense of style has changed throughout her political career, and she's tried lots of different hair trends along the way. Noem looks unrecognizable in old photos, sporting a textured bob from her days as a congresswoman. Once she became South Dakota Governor, Noem's hair got longer, and over time, she began to rely heavily on obvious extensions as she adopted the MAGA aesthetic and became secretary of Homeland Security. Given her penchant for hair experimentation, it's not a surprise that some of Noem's coifs were serious fails.

In some cases, the biggest problem with Noem's hairstyle was that it didn't fit the occasion. When Noem wore her extensions loose after donning a baseball cap and ICE vest, podcaster Megyn Kelly ripped into her look. While Kelly admitted she had a similarly long style as she conducted her podcast interview, she thought Noem's choice was completely inappropriate. "She's cosplaying ICE Agent and she of course is doing it with like 25 pounds of hair only to be outdone by her 30 pounds of makeup and false eyelashes," Kelly snarked. 

7 AM in NYC. Getting the dirt bags off the streets. pic.twitter.com/AlDD819K89

— Secretary Kristi Noem (@Sec_Noem) January 28, 2025

Hyperbole aside, Noem's desire to tout her glam look in a zoomed-out action shot on X reportedly caused difficulties. Her online activity purportedly drew unwanted attention to the law enforcement officials' activities. This was only one of may times Noem miscalculated with her hairstyle. Messy, unflattering, or out of place, some of her 'dos may not be successful, but they are memorable.

When she served in Congress, Kristi Noem's go-to 'do was a layered extravaganza of a bob. Although there are many ways to successfully pull off this cut, Noem's excessive layers gave her look an outdated vibe. What really pushes this style into disaster territory, however, are the longer pieces hanging down in front of her ears. While an angled cut is often a classic feature of bobs, Noem's front locks would sometimes curl to the sides, looking like wings. Other times, errant pieces farther back would curl, contributing to the awkward look. 

Noem wore variations of the bob for a while, sometimes opting for longer layers, and a sleeker, straighter look. Unfortunately, when Noem eventually grew her longer, the unwieldy pieces in the front ended up dangling below her shoulders, creating an odd style. 

As she grew out the bob, Noem still kept the plethora of layers for a time, and she ended up with a puffy coif that resembled the '70s shag. However, morphing from a shorter to longer style to be tricky, and lots of people can relate to the difficulty of being stuck in the in-between phases. Fortunately for Noem, as her hair got longer, she could pull it back into a sleek ponytail, making styling much simpler.  

In March 2024, Kristi Noem revealed her worst hair fail when she posted an Instagram video touting her book, "No Going Back." Noem appeared to be recording an audio version of her book. Based on her messy hairstyle and sweatshirt, the then-South Dakota governor looked likes she just came from the gym. In an odd contrast, she was also wearing full makeup, complete with lengthy eyelash extensions.

Noem's super-high ponytail splayed out randomly, and the quick updo probably kept her neck cool. However, judging by her frizzed-out ends, Noem was overdue for a trim. Her social media followers were also perplexed. "You deserve a better hair person," declared one Instagram fan. "You better not go outside and go to sleep or birds may be building a nest," warned another. Noem posted the same clip on multiple social media accounts, racking up more snide remarks and confusion about her hairstyle choice.

This untidy updo appears to be a favored style for Noem, and sometimes she really does wear it where it makes sense, like when she's actually working out. Noem also wore a similar, slightly neater, updo when her husband, Bryon Noem, took a selfie of the two of them hanging out by the water. She had a pair of shades perched on her head, and they kept any errant strands out of her face. Noem opted for almost no makeup on that outing — a nice change from her typical maximalist makeup style.

A few months after her book promotion, another variant of Kristi Noem's calamitous updo appeared during a Father's Day message. Noem's father tragically died in an accident decades earlier, and she was inspired to show off some training saddles he made. However, Noem wasn't exactly ready for her close-up. To clean the gear, she swept her hair up into a knobby bun on top of her head, the ends hanging down. 

Noem was aware that this wasn't her best hair day as she recorded the video. "Sorry, I look like a mess," she admitted on Instagram. To make matter worse, it was a blustery day, which wreaked havoc with Noem's hair. The strands blew out in a ring around her head, making her look like she was touching a Van de Graaff generator.

While this style was probably useful while she was doing chores, it's baffling why Noem would choose a similar look for a night out. Noem promoted a local restaurant's cuisine while sporting her signature messy coif looped on top. She posed with the business' owner, who also rocked her own unruly locks. "Are you 2 having a messy hair contest???" queried one Instagram fan. Messy hair aside, Noem was praised by another follower who approved of her understated cosmetics. "I really like to see you with less makeup. You absolutely do not need it," they observed.

Kristi Noem loves an opportunity to don a costume, whether it's Halloween or just a regular day. Unfortunately, her costume choices are sometimes confusing, as well as the hairstyles that go with them. In May 2023, Noem decided to create her version of a Laura Ingalls Wilder look for an event at South Dakota's Cultural Heritage Center, wearing her hair in two loose braids hanging on each shoulder.

While the two-braids style isn't an issue on its own, it's a disaster choice since Noem appears to have been lazy with her research. It's a history event — yet Noem's look is more evocative of Melissa Gilbert's portrayal of Wilder as a child on the "Little House on the Prairie" TV series.

The real Wilder was born in 1867, when typical hair trends meant girls switched to updos as they approached late childhood/early adulthood. Even on TV, Gilbert accurately ditched the braids later in the show's run as her character grew up. Due to her fame, plenty of reference photos exist of Wilder, and she wore her hair twisted into a nice, neat coil throughout her adult years. No messy buns for her. While Wilder and women of her generation were practiced pros at achieving a masterful updo, Noem could have at least checked any one of a number of YouTube tutorials to give her portrayal a more period-correct and adult style.

Lightened hair and perms are two quintessential '80s hair trends, and Kristi Noem did her part to carry these styles into the next decade. When she became the South Dakota Snow Queen in 1990, Noem got a taste of life in the public eye and an opportunity to show off her over-the top hairdo. "It was very educational," Noem later informed the Aberdeen News. "To stand up and speak in front of individuals or a large amount of people at the Snow Queen contest was a first as well." 

In an official photo from her stint as Snow Queen, Noem had a mass of brown curls. For some of her appearances, however, she'd gone blonde. Unfortunately, not only is Noem's volume on overdrive, but her curls are a frizzy-looking mess. Even Noem has second-guessed her judgement about this coif. " ... but what was I thinking with all that hair???" she inquired when she posted the vintage snap on Facebook. While some commenters were sympathetic and expressed enthusiasm for puffy '80s hair, one person joked, "The members of Poison want their hair back."

Noem embraced this look for years, as evidenced by her 1992 wedding photo. Although Noem still looks unrecognizable in the wedding snapshot without her straight and occasionally wavy, dark hair, one welcome change she made by the time she got married was to tame the frizz, leaving her with defined, controlled curls.